


I'll be the voice you always know when you're lost and all alone.

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: 1990s, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drug Use, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Whump, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Loneliness, M/M, MILD - Freeform, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Whump, Slow Burn, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, They are in their early twenties, This Is Sad, ish, kind of, there is an IT but not the IT you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He walks past the picture of his friends again and he kisses his fingers, pressing them to the glass of the frame.''Goodnight, Losers. See you soon.''He gets ready to go to bed after that. Like every other night.Funny how he still somehow believes it, considering he hasn't seen his friends in 7 years.Or: Eddie loses touch with The Losers and misses them.(TW: I wrote this when I was really depressed and lonely so please don't read if those sorts of things trigger you. )
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak & Patricia Blum Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & The Losers Club, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris
Comments: 49
Kudos: 36





	1. Motion capture put me in a bad light.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! I'm back at it again, starting on a fresh new story.
> 
> As it said in the summary, if you don't think you can handle heavy angst please don't read. I also know that sometimes when you're sad, you want to read and watch sad shit so if that's why you're here then welcome lol.
> 
> If you're neither of these things and you just wanna read this because you feel like it then you're welcome too!
> 
> Also strongly recommend listening to sad ass music while reading to really spice it up with the sadness. Wink wonk.
> 
> ALSO THIS TAKES PLACE IN THE 90'S!!

_And I was catching my breath  
Staring out an open window  
Catching my death  
And I couldn't be sure  
I had a feeling so peculiar  
That this pain would be for  
Evermore_

The coffee machine clicks off.

  
Eddie grabs one of his mugs from the cabinet with a yawn and sets it down on the kitchen counter. He grabs the still slightly sizzling pot and pores the dark liquid almost all the way up to the edge of his red porcelain mug. He sets the pot back in place and opens the fridge and grabs the milk. He only ads a dash of it. Just to turn the black color of the coffee into a creamy dark brown. It's all he needs. He doesn't add sugar, the taste of sweet coffee never agreeing with his taste buds.

  
He takes the mug and sits down by the small table in his kitchen. He looks out the window, watching the busy city outside slowly roar to life. Even though it never really dies. 

  
_Does anything ever really die?_

  
He's too young to be thinking shit like that.

  
He sips his coffee while scribbling down the things he needs to do this week into his planner. He listens to the sounds of life behind the glass of his window and enjoys the morning sun hitting his cheek and pleasantly warming the freckles dusted there. The smell of the slightly burnt coffee fills his nostrils and the ball point of his pen scrapes the surface of the smooth paper.

  
He sits there till his coffee turns cold and he gets up to get ready for the day. He already took a shower so all that's left is getting dressed up and styling his hair. His bag has already been packed since last week.

  
He pulls on a pair of jeans, cuffed at the end. White knee-high socks underneath. He puts on a salmon pink t-shirt, which he tucks into his jeans. He makes sure it looks nice and then he moves on to style his hair. There's not much to it, really. He just brushes his chocolate brown wavy locks and makes a side part. It's what he always does.

  
He checks his wristwatch and grabs his keys and bag. He walks down his small hallway and puts on his shoes. They're clean white sneakers. He looks in the small mirror on the wall and deems himself ready to go. He looks a little to the side and smiles at the picture of his friends when they were younger. The Loser's Club.

  
''Good morning, Losers.'' He says and leaves.

  
******************

  
The streets of New York City are busy in the early Monday morning. It's proper filled with people of every kind and story. Eddie likes to sit in the subway and secretly look at people and wonder what their lives have been like and what it's like now. Are they happy? Are they sad? Is today like any other day or is something big happening?

  
Perhaps it's a way of him wondering if their lives are better than his because they most likely are and imagines what it would be like, living in a different world. Yes, they all live in the same place but depending on what you think of your life, it's different for everybody. Eddie will look at these people and think ' _I wonder what their New York is like_ '.

  
He hates his, that's for sure.

  
He sits on the disgusting subway seat for another thirty minutes before stepping of into the dirty station that smells like piss and junk food. The smell is disgusting but it ends up giving him a sense of familiarity. He knows this awful smell. He lives in it.

  
He walks the rest of the way, enjoying the sun and sounds of the city. Or at least he tries to. How many times can you enjoy something before it gets old?

  
He looks around and watches the people walk and run in different directions. Cars and buses, honking in the traffic. Familiar yet exhausting.

  
Been there and still doing it.

  
It's not long before he arrives at the all too familiar spot again. Only this time it's different. Something is finally different. He's scared of it but god, will he drink that shit up. He looks at the big letters above, reading them over and over again. He takes a deep breath and walks through the doors of the cafeteria. 

  
He looks around, admiring what little is to be admired. He's been here many times before but what makes it different today is-

  
''Are you Edward?'' Comes a sweet, smooth voice. He turns around to the counter and sees a blonde girl standing there. Her hair is pulled into a neat ponytail and she has a pair of silver rimmed glasses on. She's smiling at him all bright and joyful. 

  
''Uhm, yeah. That's me.'' He answers politely and walks up closer.

  
''You start working here today, right?''

  
''Yup.''

  
''Great! I'm Patricia by the way. But I prefer you call me Patty.'' She reaches out her hand and Eddie takes it.

  
''Edward Kaspbrak but I prefer Eddie.'' 

  
''Alright, Eddie. I'll show you around and tell you how things work. It's pretty easy and you get the hang of it pretty quickly. You'll be a total pro by the end of the day.'' She tells him.

  
''Good to know.'' He chuckles awkwardly.

  
******************

  
''Here you go, have a nice day!'' He waves the customer goodbye with a smile.

  
It's been a pretty easy day, considering it's his first. He's pretty confident in how everything works and he's sure it won't be long before he's completely familiar with this too.

  
God, how he hates that word. _Familiar_. It has just lost that feeling to it. Eddie used to love familiar things but now it just reminds him that nothing special is going on. The only good thing is his friends.

He can't wait to see them again. He loves them so very much.

  
''Hey, Eddie?'' He hears Patty ask from behind him. He turns around and looks at her.

  
''Yeah?''

  
''We have a break now. Sandra will take over for you. Good job.'' She gives him a thumbs up and walks back through the backdoor.

  
He washes his hands by the sink and follows her. The backroom is a nice little place for the workers to chill in and eat lunch and talk about stuff. Whether it be business or personal. Patty's sitting by one of the couches, drinking tea and eating a pastry. She's reading some magazine. Eddie walks over to the small fridge and grabs his lunch. He sits by one of the small tables and starts digging into his salad. It's gross and boring but it was all he had at the moment.

  
''You're allowed to eat the pastries and make yourself a drink, by the way. It's on the house.'' Patty speaks up without looking away from the magazine and takes a sip of her tea.

  
''Oh. Thanks.'' He responds quietly. He's always been shy around new people. Especially ones that are nice and talkative like Patty. Because those are the people he wants to be friends with. The people he wants to impress.

  
''No problem, sweetcakes.'' She smiles and looks up at him. ''Is this your first summer job?''

  
''It's actually my first job ever.'' He huffs a small laugh.

  
''Oh, cool! Well, I hope you'll enjoy it here! They might let you come back next year if you work well. I've been coming here for a couple of years now since my family lives here. My aunts own this place, actually. It's a good way to get a little money.''

  
''Wow. That sounds nice.''

  
''It is. And I can't wait to get to know you better. We'll have a bunch of fun!''

  
Eddie just smiles and nods.

  
He highly doubts that this is going to change anything for the better.

******************

''See you tomorrow, Eddie!'' Patty waves him a goodbye.

  
''See you!'' He waves back and exits the front door. He steps into the now more chilly evening and pulls a hoodie from his bag.

  
He makes the long trip back home to his tiny little apartment that barely even feels like a home and takes off his shoes. He changes into something more comfortable. An oversized sweater and sweatpants. He warms up some soup, he made a couple days ago and sits down by the little table in the kitchen, once again.

  
It's still pretty light out and he watches the city, still pumping life into the streets and doing it full speed. It won't calm down for many more hours.

  
He finishes his dinner and walks into the living room/bedroom and puts the TV on. There's nothing interesting on it. There never is.

  
He spends the rest of his day like that. Just sitting on the couch, watching TV and reading a book every once in a while.

  
At around 9 pm, he gets tired and starts his nightly routine. He takes care of his skin. Brushes his teeth. Uses the bathroom. Takes some of his pills and vitamins and finally, he changes into his pj's.

  
He walks past the picture of his friends again and he kisses his fingers, pressing them to the glass of the frame.

  
''Goodnight, Losers. See you soon.''

  
He gets ready to go to bed after that. Like every other night.

  
Funny how he still somehow believes it, considering he hasn't seen his friends in 7 years.


	2. I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy<3

_There's laughter in the air._

  
_It's coming from a group of kids, sitting by the quarry on the first day of summer._

  
_A girl with fiery red hair is dancing and singing with an arm around a boy with thick rimmed glasses. They're performing._

  
_Their friends are watching them with amused smiles and giggles, spurring them on. The hot sun hitting their sunscreen covered skin._

  
_A boy with darker skin is clutching his stomach with laughter as sticky sweet honey fills his chest with the happiness that being with his friends brings him._

  
_A chubby boy with round red cheeks is giggling while he watches his crush dance with her best friend. He watches as her red fiery hair almost comes to life with the sun's rays shining through them, making it look like real breathing fire._

  
_Beautiful, he thinks._

  
_A tall, lanky boy with auburn hair and sapphire eyes is chuckling, shoulders shaking as he watches the closest thing he has to family, enjoying themselves and having fun. He watches them all with pride._

  
_Then there's a boy with mousy curls, shaking his head with a fond smile as he watches his favorite people make complete dumbasses out of themselves while his other favorite people laugh at them. He wishes it will always be like this and that nothing will ever change between them._

  
_And last but not least, a boy with big brown eyes, bushy eyebrows and freckle-dusted skin is trying to hold down his laughter but in the end, it bursts out and he snorts and giggles while staring at the boy with glasses, feeling something he doesn't quite understand yet. His cheeks flush pink and his eyes have a sparkle in them that only seems to appear when he's with his friends._

  
_All seven of them are together and happy. And as they decide to jump in the water from the oh so familiar high cliff, one by one, the loud boy with the glasses takes the brown-eyed boy's hand and they jump together._

  
_And they never let go._

  
* * *

  
Eddie wakes up with gasp. His cheeks are wet with tears and he chokes on a sob as soon as he realizes what's going on. He wraps his arms around his knees and his shoulders shake with his crying.

  
_Stupid fucking dream._

  
The dream isn't why he's crying though. It's the waking up that is painful. He hates waking up from those dreams. Those _memories_.

  
He has nightmares too but nothing is more agonizing then being reminded of what he once had.

  
It's not the first time he's had that dream either. It's one that he hates. It's painful when he wakes up from it, since he's so happy in it.

  
He's so happy in all of them.

  
He wipes his eyes and cheeks before getting up. His knees are slightly wobbly and his nose is runny. He walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge, mostly just staring into the brightness as the fridge buzzes. He grabs a beer and closes the door. He doesn't usually drink but he always does when he has a dream. It's not enough to make him numb and drunk but it gives him even a fraction of the warmth he feels in those dreams.

  
It's nowhere near the same but he'll do anything at this point.

  
He sits down by the table and stares at the empty surface of it. He thinks about the dream. The feelings in it. He remembers every detail so vividly. He guesses it's because he so desperately holds onto the only thing he has left of them.

  
He knows they're somewhere out there. But he can't afford to go look for them. By god, does he really want to. He still has a fraction of hope that maybe one day...

  
Maybe one day they'll be together again.

  
With The Losers.

  
With _him_.

  
He misses them all but he misses _him_ the most. The worst dreams are the ones where it's just the two of them. It's torture.

  
Especially since he was and still is in love with _him_.

  
And he tries not to be. Has even slept and been with other people to try and end those feelings but it never works. There are still nights where he cries himself to sleep because of it. Because faith so cruelly took away his family and his one true love. 

  
He always begs that it isn't true but he knows there's no one else he will ever love as fiercely as he loves _him_.

  
As he loves all of them.

  
He never made friends. Acquaintances maybe. But not friends. Not _best_ friends.

  
He always wonders what they're up to. Are they still together? Do they miss him as badly as he misses them? Do they ever wonder where he is? Have they moved on?

  
He thinks it's better for them if they have moved on. It still doesn't stop him from wishing they haven't.

  
God, he really hopes they haven't.

  
* * *

  
He walks through the door to the café again.

  
He never went to sleep after the dream so he's slightly tired but he hopes that working might take his mind off of things. 

  
He sees Patty on the phone by the counter. She's smiling wide at whatever the person on the other end is saying.

  
It's still pretty early, so there aren't any customers yet. It's a pretty small café so it's never insanely busy which Eddie likes. He doesn't think his anxiety would be able to handle that.

  
''I miss you.'' He hears Patty say into the phone, ''I'll see you soon, okay? Love you.''

  
Eddie tries to ignore the longing he feels.

  
Patty hangs up and looks at Eddie.

  
''Good morning, Eddie! Sorry 'bout that. My boyfriend called and I figured I had time to talk for a minute.'' She explains.

  
''No worries. I really don't mind.'' He smiles.

  
''You got anyone in your life? Anyone special?'' She asks him suddenly.

  
_I used to._

  
''Uhm, no.'' He chuckles but there's no humor behind it.

  
''That's okay.'' She gives him a small and kind smile. She's nice and Eddie likes her. Maybe she could be more than just an acquaintance. Maybe she could be a friend.

  
But that means she would have to want to be friends with him too and that doesn't happen often, if ever.

  
They get to work and it's not long before customers start coming in and the day officially begins. 

  
It's a good distraction but there's still a small itch in the back of his mind that keeps him from fully forgetting it.

  
* * *

  
''So. What do you do for fun?''

  
Him and Patty are on their break and she tries to make small-talk with him. He really tries to keep up but he's so bad at keeping a conversation going that he's afraid she'll get bored and give up on him. He does want to be friends, he's just bad at it.

  
''Uhh, I like reading? I don't do much, honestly.'' He huffs a small laugh.

  
''Really? I love reading too! What's your favorite genre?'' Her eyes light up and she actually still seems eager to get to know him. 

  
It feels nice.

  
''I like anything if it's well-written, really.''

  
Patty snorts and stirs the spoon in her tea, ''You sound like my friend. He's a real bookworm. Volunteers at a library too.''

  
_Sounds like Mike._

  
''Wow.'' He chuckles, ''which library?'' 

  
''One in LA. That's where I live. I'm only here on the summers and holidays.''

  
''Cool. I've always wanted to go there. Do you like it?''

  
At least he's making some progress at this conversation thing.

  
''You should really go. It's amazing, I love living there. It's like a never ending summer and it's so much fun to do stuff with your friends. You don't get bored. But then again, nothing get's boring when you find the right people and mindset. It's all about making the world your bitch.'' She takes a bite out of her apple in an 'i made my point' kind of gesture.

  
''I suppose that's true.'' Eddie smiles. He wishes he had that. He wishes New York wasn't so boring anymore. Although, when he thinks back, he never wanted to come here in the first place. He doesn't belong here. He belongs with his friends, not a place. Without them, he doesn't really know where he belongs or who he really is. He could be his true self with them but now he hasn't been him in many years.

  
''If you ever do go there, hit me up.'' Patty winks at him playfully. She's got a spark in her. He's seen that spark before, albeit it was in another person. It's intimidating but it doesn't make him uncomfortable. It's the kind of familiar that feels like a warm blanket of safety and home. Not the suffocating and numb kind. The kind that he's so fucking sick and tired of.

  
''I'll keep that in mind.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's emo hours.


	3. Trying to find the one thing where I went wrong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie thinks back to when he first left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Low key just wanna post the whole thing at once but I also wanna keep the suspense of what's gonna happen next.
> 
> Life's many struggles.
> 
> (TW: slight internalized homophobia. This story does take place in a world where people don't really give a fuck but it's Derry and everyone in Derry sucks ass.)

_June 15th, 1992_

''BEEP BEEP, RICHIE!'' 

  
''Oh c'mon, Stanley the manley! That was funny!'' 

  
''No it fucking wasn't, you fucking buffoon!''

  
Richie headlocks Stanley and ruffles his hair, only making him yell out more. The other Losers roll their eyes and keep walking down the street. Eddie huffs and walks over to the two boys with a frown.

  
''Richie!''

  
The boy in question stops messing around with Stan's hair and looks at Eddie while adjusting his coke-bottle glasses.

  
''Whatsup, Eds?''

  
Stanley flips him off and walks over to their friends.

  
''Don't call me that, nimrod.'' Eddie pulls him by the elbow and catches up with the others. ''Stop stalling us by annoying us.'' He glares at him and sees Richie's cheeks flush bright red. He smirks smugly and keeps pulling him forward by his bony ass elbow.

  
''Jeez, Spaghetti. Warn a guy.'' Richie chokes out with a cough.

  
''Still not my name.''

  
They get back to their friend group but don't let go of each other. Eddie slides his hand down to hold Richie's and now both boys are a blushing mess. Beverly turns to look at them and snorts.

  
''You guys look like tomatoes.''

  
The others laugh at her comment but Eddie just turns an even darker shade of red and Richie flips her off.

  
''Fuck off, Ringwald.''

  
They're all on their way home after spending the night over at Bill's. They had watched movies and stuffed themselves full of candy and soda in Bill's basement. It had been fun, it always was.

  
One by one, they arrived home until it was just Richie and Eddie. They had eventually let go of each other when they walked through a busier part of town. They didn't want people thinking the wrong thing. They themselves didn't want to think the wrong thing. Yes, they were both whipped for each other but they refused to acknowledge it. Boys just didn't like other boys. It wasn't allowed. No matter how badly they wanted it to.

  
They arrive at Richie's house and Eddie slows down to say goodbye. Richie just keeps walking and looks back when he notices that Eddie isn't following.

  
''You coming, Eds?''

  
''Where are you going?''

  
Richie laughs like it's obvious, head thrown back and his adam's apple prominent. Eddie gulps while staring at it. 

  
_God, I wanna kiss him._

  
_Wait, what?_

  
_No. Stop it. BLAHBLAHBLAH STOP!_

  
''I'm walking you home, duh!''

  
Eddie can't help the little smile that appears on his face and he eagerly rushes over to where Richie is standing and looks up at him. He's a lot shorter than the other boy, him having grown up to six feet tall while Eddie was stuck at at a raging five foot five.

  
''Let's go then.''

  
* * *

  
''Alright, buddy. I'll see you soon, okay?'' Richie stuffs his hand in his pockets. They're standing in front of the Kaspbrak house and Eddie kind of, actually really wishes Richie could come over. But his mom is home so it's out of the question. She despises all of his friends but she hates Richie the most, which sucks because Richie's his favorite. He won't ever tell him that, though.

  
''See you soon, Chee.'' He only used that nickname when it was the two of them alone. It just felt a little too intimate for the others to be around to hear.

  
Eddie pulls his best friend (and crush) into a hug, which Richie happily reciprocates. They hug for a while before Eddie pulls back and takes a step towards the front door.

  
''Goodbye, Trashmouth.'' He smiles and Richie chuckles softly.

  
''Bye, Spaghetti.''

  
Richie stays there until Eddie's inside and then he turns back to where they came from with an extra cheerful spring in his steps.

  
Meanwhile, Eddie shuts the door behind him with a small fond smile. He really is head over heels for that little shit. His smile doesn't last for long, though. He turns to see his house nearly empty, except for some pieces of furniture and boxes everywhere. _Moving_ boxes.

  
''What the-'', he looks around and sees his mom packing another box in the living room, ''mommy? What's going on?''

  
His mom turns around and smiles at him. She stands up with a grunt and walks over to where he's standing.

  
''There you are. I was wondering when you'd be home.'' She grabs an empty box and hands it to him. ''Here. Pack all the things you don't wanna keep into this. We'll throw them away.''

  
''What?''

  
''We're moving.''

  
''WHAT?!''

  
His eyes are wide and his breathing is getting erratic. He can feel his eyes sting with tears and his chest feels like it's being pressed down by a heavy rock. Maybe even a _pile_ of heavy rocks.

  
''SURPRISE!''

  
''I don't wanna move, mommy.'' He sobs. Tears are starting to stain his cheeks and he can taste their saltiness in the corner of his mouth. His throat hurts from the way he's gasping for air and his sight is blurry from the tears that have yet to fall.

  
''It'll be good for us, Eddie-bear.''

  
''No, mommy, please!''

  
''What's done is done, dear. We're leaving tonight.''

  
''TONIGHT?! But mom! My friends!''

  
''You'll find new ones, Eddie. You're still so young, it'll be easy to find new and even better ones than the friends you have here. They're a bad influence on you.''

  
Eddie's crying hysterically now. This can't be happening. No, this isn't happening! This is a nightmare! He's still asleep at Bill's place and this is all a nightmare!

  
_WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!! PLEASE!_

  
''Mommy-''

  
''Eddie, you're all snotty and gross. Go clean yourself and for the love of god! Use your inhaler! Your breathing is off the charts!''

  
He doubles over, clutching his stomach and he tries to breathe, but the tears keep falling and his whole body is shaking.

  
He turns back and rushes out the door before his mom can say anything.

  
He has to find Richie.

  
* * *

  
''RICHIE!''

  
He can see Richie walking up to his house and abruptly stop. He ran as fast as he could to try and catch up to him. He barely made it and his lungs are on fire.

  
Richie turns around, confused but it soon turns to worry when he sees Eddie barely keeping himself upright and struggling to breathe. He runs over to him and catches the smaller boy right when he was about to fall over.

  
''EDS!?''

  
Eddie just starts crying even louder and he's gripping onto Richie like he'll die if he let's go. If he's being honest, he's pretty sure he isn't even exaggerating. He can't live without The Losers. Can't live without Richie.

  
''Richie.'' He sobs into his chest. He doesn't even care that they're sitting on the dirty road. He only cares about the boy he loves right now.

  
''What's going on, Eddie?'' Richie tries to soothe the shaking boy in his arms but he doesn't seem to calm down. He's just crying harder and harder by the second.

  
''I'm sorry! I don't want to! I really don't want to but she's making me, Chee! She's making me do it! I don't want to!'' He wails the last part. Long, shaky and painful. It's making Richie teary-eyed just seeing his Eds like this. So broken. And he can't do anything.

  
''Shh, Eds. Breathe for me. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.''

  
''BUT I AM!''

  
Richie furrows his eyebrows.

  
''What are you talking about?''

  
''SHE'S MAKING ME MOVE AWAY! WE'RE MOVING AWAY!''

  
Richie freezes. That's not right. Eddie can't move away. He's supposed to stay with him here until they can move away together.

  
''What?'' It sounds so quiet and broken which makes Eddie cry even harder. Richie grabs his face with his hands and forces Eddie to look at him. His eyes are red and swollen. His face wet and blotchy.

  
''My mom- she said we're moving. Tonight.'' Eddie sobs and presses his cheek against Richie's palm.

  
''No-'' Richie laughs disbelievingly, ''no you can't- that's- that's not..what?''

  
Eddie closes his eyes and rests his hands on top of Richie's.

  
''My mom has already packed everything-''

  
''No. Nonononono. NO! Stop fucking with me, Eddie! That's not funny!'' Richie's eyes are filling with tears and he's starting to shake too.

  
''I wish I was joking, Richie!'' He cries, ''I wish this all was a big fat joke! But it isn't!''

  
''But- you can't go. You can't. We were supposed to go together. You and me. And the other Losers.'' Richie's crying now too. He hates this so fucking much!

  
''I know.'' Eddie wipes the tears from Richie's face but it just makes him cry more. It's that kind of crying where you cry so hard, no sound comes out. The painful kind that gives you a headache and makes your throat hurt. The most painful crying.

  
''Please, Eds. Don't leave me, please!'' He gasps.

  
''I'm sorry, Richie. I don't want to. I really don't want to.'' He sobs.

  
''Don't go.'' It's so small that Eddie barely hears it but he does. He always hears Richie.

  
Eddie just hugs him. He can't say he won't. They both know it so it's easier to just say nothing. They hold each other tightly.

  
They don't know when they'll get to do that again.

  
* * *

  
The Losers are all gathered in front of Eddie's house. They're all crying.

  
Eddie had called them all and told them the news. They had all been there in under ten minutes, crying and confused.

  
''Where are you going?'' Beverly sobs into his shoulder. She, like everyone else, isn't taking this very well.

  
''I don't know, she won't tell me.'' He sniffs wetly. He hasn't stopped crying since it began.

  
Beverly whimpers and hugs him tighter. Her red hair mixing into his.

  
He hugs everyone else and he gets to Richie again. The others decide to give them some space since they know they need it.

  
''Eds-'' Richie chokes out before hugging him again. Eddie just hugs back and doesn't even bother correcting the name. He wants Richie to keep calling him that because he actually loves it and knowing that he won't be hearing it anymore fucking HURTS.

  
''I know.'' His voice is all strangled and it breaks with every other word, ''hey, Rich I gotta tell you something, okay?''

  
Richie just hums. He can't speak right now and even the hum sounds broken.

  
''I love you. I love you so much.''

  
Richie curls up into him and shakes even harder.

  
''Eddie, please-''

  
''No, Rich. You have to know. I love you. I'm in love with you. Have been for a while.''

  
''Eds-''

  
''It's okay if you don't feel the same but I just needed you to know.''

  
''I love you too, Eds. I love you so much and I can't take this. I can't live without you. I'll die. Please don't go.''

  
Eddie has tears streaming down his face and he wails. 

  
''Don't forget me. Promise me you won't forget me, Chee.''

  
''I could never forget you. Even if I wanted to,'' Richie leans back and looks at Eddie. They're both a mess but they don't care. ''I'll come look for you. I'll find you, I promise. I'll never stop.''

  
''Richie-''

  
''No. I will not rest until I find you again.''

  
Eddie's not so sure that will ever happen. Richie will have to move on eventually, even if it kills Eddie. He needs to live. Be happy. Eddie's not so sure it'll be with him but knowing that he loves him right now is enough.

  
''Okay, Chee.'' He presses his forehead against Richie's. It's not long before Richie leans forward to kiss him but Eddie pulls back. He can see the hurt in Richie's eyes and it makes him want to kiss him.

He's always wanted to kiss him but he can't.

  
''I'm sorry, Chee. But if you kiss me now, I know I won't be able to live without you and it's already hard enough. It'll just hurt even more.''

  
Richie nods.

  
''Next time we see each other? I'll kiss you so hard, you'll be seeing stars, Eds.'' Richie kisses him on the cheek which isn't much better but he had to do something.

  
''I'll hold you to that.''

  
His mom is yelling at him to get in the car and he reluctantly let's go of Richie. He opens the car door and before he gets in, he looks up to see his friends. He smiles through his tears and waves them goodbye.

  
They all wave back except for Richie, who's crying so hard that Stanley has to hold him up.

  
He gets into the car and buckles up. He's in the backseat so he looks behind himself, to watch his best friends. His only friends.

  
''Bye, Losers. See you soon.''

  
* * *

  
_June 15th, 1999_

Eddie's sitting by a bench in the park, eating an ice cream. It's a sunny summer day and there's a lot of people out and about. Eddie's watching a group of teenagers having fun with a sad smile.

  
Today it has officially been seven years since he last saw his friends.

  
Seven fucking years.

  
Not a day goes by where he doesn't miss them. Some days are better than others and today is not that kind of day. The worst days are always the anniversaries. Or the days where he sees or hears something that reminds him of them.

  
He takes a lick from his vanilla ice cream and closes his eyes. The sun warms up his face pleasantly and he thinks back to the happiest of memories. Back to when things where good. When he was happy.

  
He smiles.

  
He imagines what he would be doing with them right now. How they would make him laugh. Richie would probably be doing something stupid and him and Stan would call him out on it. They'd tell him he was being annoying but they'd be smiling. Like they always were. 

  
He wishes nothing had changed. He wishes he could just be with them. Hug them. Laugh with them. Listen to their voices. See their smiles.

  
_His_ smile.

  
_His lips against mine._

  
He opens his eyes and he's crying. It's just a few tears. They're part happy, part sad. He misses his friends so much, but he'll never forget them and he's thankful for the time they had.

  
He doesn't know if he'll ever see them again. And he knows that he'll never be fully happy without them. But sometimes life is just unfair. And sometimes it's just pain.

  
Maybe he got what he was supposed to get.

  
Maybe there's nothing more to it.

  
Maybe he'll always be here. Sitting on a bench. Watching other people have what he used to have. 

  
It hurts.

  
It hurts so bad.

  
But right now it's all he has.

  
And it's probably all he'll ever get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is literally just me putting my struggles into words and using Eddie to get over my emo shit.


	4. Staring out an open window catching my death.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty invites Eddie to hang out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get some fluff among the angst.

''Good morning, Eddie!''

  
''Morning, Patty.''

  
Eddie walks past the counter and through the door to the back. He hangs his stuff on the hook and wraps his apron around his waist. He had a shorter workday today which he wasn't so thrilled about.

It's the only time his thoughts can't get the best of him and he actually gets to do something else then cry at Disney movies at home.

  
Patty was texting on her cellphone with a smile. It was probably her boyfriend again, Eddie assumed. She loved talking about him and Eddie didn't really mind except for when she'd gush about something that made her eyes go all cartoon heart-eyes and Eddie would feel jealous. He wanted something like that too.

  
He walks past her to go turn the 'we're open' sign on and Patty's head perks up.

  
''Hey, Eddie my cousin canceled on our shopping trip for today but I still wanna go and I hate going to malls alone so I was wondering if you'd like to come? Maybe? You don't have to, I'd totally understand if you-''

  
''Really?''

  
Patty looks at a wide-eyed Eddie. His huge puppy eyes are looking at her with disbelief and hope. It makes her want to cry. Has this boy ever been asked that? He must have.

  
This is just sad.

  
She has to do something about this. He looks like Bambi before he found out his mother died. 

  
''Yes, really,'' she smiles. ''I'd really really REALLY like it if you came!''

  
Eddie looks behind himself like he's not sure she's talking to him. He looks back at her sheepishly with a shy smile.

  
''Okay but I'm not sure if I'll be the best-''

  
''Pshh! You'll be just fine! I'm not expecting you to be a crazy shopaholic. I just want some company.''

  
Eddie giggles and looks at her with sparkly eyes.

  
''Thank you.''

  
Patty smiles at him again. It's a kind smile with a hint of sadness.

  
He sounds and looks like he's just been handed the greatest gift of his life even when all she did was invite him to go shopping with her.

  
Either Bambi here doesn't have friends (which, how? Look at him.) or he has some really bad ones.

  
''No problem, honey.''

  
Whichever of those two it is?

  
She'll change it real quick.

  
For Patricia Blum has decided that her and Edward Kaspbrak are gonna become best friends this summer.

  
* * *

  
Eddie's nervous.

  
Him and Patty agreed to go to the mall straight from work and it's nearing the end of the last hour and he's freaking out.

  
What if he's going to make a fool out of himself and she's never going to want to speak to him, ever again?!

  
Or is he going to bore her to death. He's a boring person, he can't help it.

  
_Breathe you fucking dumbass!_

  
_Just go with the flow. Be cool. Be you._

  
_Be you._

  
He's not even sure what that means anymore. He has tried to find that person for many years but it just doesn't seem like he's there anymore. He just feels like a shell.

  
_Quit being so fucking depressing, dude!_

  
He hears someone open the back door and he sees Patty walk up to him.

  
''We're officially off! Let's go!''

  
He chuckles quietly and they get ready to leave. They pack their bags and say goodbye to the other workers before heading out.

  
Patty's leading the way and telling Eddie about the differences between LA and New York. He listens to her as good as he can and tries getting some words in himself. He's not so great at it but it's something and Patty doesn't seem to mind. She probably already realized that Eddie's not that talkative.

  
He used to be.

  
Yeah, a real motormouth.

  
Just like...

  
Whatever.

  
They walk for about twenty minutes before they arrive at the mall. It's big and he can see people walking in and out constantly. He gulps just thinking about the amount of strangers that are going to be there. He fucking hates public places but he likes Patty so he tries to focus on that.

  
_This is a chance to make a friend. Don't FUCK IT UP!_

  
''Eugh! Too many people am I right? We won't be long.'' Patty nods her head towards the entrance with an encouraging smile and they go inside.

  
* * *

  
''Is this a cute shade?'' 

  
They're in a cosmetics store of some kind and Patty's looking at lipstick shades. She'll swap some on her hand and show it to Eddie for some kind of comment.

  
Now she's showing him a rosy pink shade with a nice warm tone which honestly goes great with her skin tone. Eddie doesn't know much about makeup but he does like colors and art so he has some idea about what he's doing.

  
''I think it'll look perfect on you.'' He tells her with a smile.

  
''You think?''

  
''Yeah, it matches your skin.''

  
Patty looks down at the swap on her hand and then up at Eddie.

  
''Alright, Kaspbrak. I trust you.'' She takes an unopened tube of the same shade and puts it in the basket.

  
''Well that's not so smart of you.'' He says it out of instinct. It's just second nature for him to have an attitude. He usually hides it since he's scared that it'll drive people away. This was barely even sassy but he knows that he can be quite mean and The Losers have been the only ones that weren't thrown off by it. 

  
Patty just snorts and looks at him with an amused grin.

  
''Now you worry me.''

  
They're both quiet for a moment before bursting into a small fit of giggles. They walk over to the cashier and Patty buys her products and suggests they go eat.

  
Eddie's starving so he agrees.

  
They end up in a small diner that isn't as crowded as the other places and they're in the middle of deciding what to eat.

  
''Hmm, there's so many options.'' Patty looks at the menu with furrowed eyebrows.

  
''Yeah, this used to be a lot easier when I was allergic to half of this stuff.'' Eddie wonders out loud and Patty looks up at him confused.

  
''Huh?''

  
Eddie looks at her and laughs nervously.

  
''Oh, I uhh...I grew up thinking I was allergic to a bunch of stuff and it wasn't until a few years back that I realized I wasn't.''

  
''How?!'' Patty laughs. It makes Eddie laugh a little too.

  
''My mom told me.''

  
''Your mom told you, you were allergic to a bunch of bullshit even though you weren't?''

  
''She told me I had asthma too.''

  
He sees Patty stare at him and he thinks he's weirded her out but then she just bursts into laughter, snorting at the same time and Eddie starts laughing too. Some people are watching them but they don't care.

  
''That's so fucking bizarre! And weird! Why'd she do that?''

  
Eddie shrugs. He knows why but he's not that close with Patty yet to tell her the truth.

  
He decides he'll tell a part of it.

  
''She was...overprotective, I guess.''

  
Patty nods and hums.

  
''Alright.''

  
The waiter comes a few moments later and they order their food and drinks.

  
* * *

  
''Ewww, what is that?!'' Eddie's yelling and laughing while Patty shows him some suspicious looking part in her chicken.

  
''I don't know! It looks like a booger.'' She laughs and Eddie gags.

  
''That's fucking disgusting.''

  
''I'll give you five bucks if you eat it.''

  
Eddie looks at her incredulously.

  
''You could not pay me enough to eat that fucking thing.''

  
''You sure?''

  
''Yes I'm fucking sure,'' he gags, ''that is horrible, stop that.''

  
Patty's cutting the part off of her chicken and poking it with her fork.

  
''Why is it like, green?''

  
Eddie actually dry heaves once and he takes a sip from his water. Patty looks at him with a smug grin.

  
''Chicken booger.''

  
He snorts his drink and it even come out of his nose and spills everywhere. He's shaking with laughter and disgust.

  
Patty is howling with laughter and clutching her stomach with tears in her eyes. Everyone's staring at them by now and Eddie feels slightly bad for interrupting their peace.

  
And as expected, they end up getting kicked out. Patty's still laughing and Eddie is shaking his head with a reluctant smile. Patty seems like she's used to getting kicked out unlike Eddie who's embarrassed by the whole thing. It surprises him since Patty herself doesn't give off those 'I get kicked out of places for being loud' vibes but he supposes everyone has their quirks.

  
''Sorry 'bout that.'' Patty wipes a tear from her cheek and looks at Eddie apologetically. ''I don't usually get kicked out here but when I'm with my friends in LA, we always do so it sticks sometimes.''

  
''It's nothing, Patty. Besides...chicken booger.''

  
Patty dies of laughter again and Eddie feels absolutely giddy with the feeling of making someone laugh. Even he's genuinely laughing for the first time in ages and it feels good.

  
* * *

  
''Have you ever been in love?''

  
The two of them are walking through the park as the sun sets. The sky is full of purples, pinks and blues. The street lights flicker on as the gravel beneath their feet crunch with each step. There's a warm summer breeze flowing through their hair and in between their fingertips.

  
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful day.

  
Eddie freezes when Patty asks him the question. A question he's even too afraid to ask himself. He avoids it because he fears the answer. He fears what it means and what it does to him. He knows that he doesn't want the answer to change but he also knows that if it had been different, it wouldn't hurt so much. Patty asking him the question wouldn't cause those cold shivers to run from the back of his neck and down his spine.

  
Patty looks at him with her big and slightly magnified eyes. Her glasses reflect the golden sunshine and it reminds him of said answer to said question.

  
_Have you ever been in love?_

  
_Yes. Still am._

  
But what comes out is..

  
''Once. A long time ago.''

  
Patty nods slowly and walks back over to him. She looks into his eyes like she knows the real answer. She seems to find something in his sad eyes because the next thing she does is that she smiles and takes his hand.

  
''Wanna tell me about it?''

  
Eddie looks at her with furrowed eyebrows. She's not looking at him which tells him he has an out. He doesn't have to answer her but she's giving him the option to do so. It's his choice. He thinks that maybe telling someone about it who doesn't know his story will ease some of the weight off his shoulders. Maybe it'll be easier if he just poured some of his heart out because it seems to be overflowing these days.

  
And he's afraid that he won't be able to handle it for much longer.

  
''There was a boy that I grew up with. I loved him.''

  
_I love him._

  
Patty doesn't even flinch at the mention of him loving another boy. Eddie supposes it's because the rest of the world isn't as fucked up as Derry. She just looks at him with a smile and squeezes his hand.

  
''What was he like?''

  
''Annoying,'' Patty snorts and Eddie huffs a small laugh. ''But he was nice too. My best friend. We did everything together and I remember just falling in love with him.''

  
A tear runs down his face. Patty looks at him concerned and he sniffs and wipes it away.

  
''Are you still in love, Eddie?''

  
Eddie halts to a stop as more tears trickle down his freckled cheeks. He sobs and Patty rushes to hug him. He hugs back, desperate for comfort and love. _Something_. God, he's so fucking touch starved and he craves this. He just needs a fucking hug and Patty is giving it to him. It's nowhere near all he needs but he'll take it.

  
He just wants to feel loved again.

  
They don't say anything and Patty rubs his back with gentle hands while Eddie's heart breaks once again.

  
_How many times can a heart go through this before it gives up?_

  
Patty pulls back and wipes his face with her thumbs. She pushes back a strand of his hair and smiles at him.

  
''It won't always be like this, babe. One day you will get everything your heart desires. Nothing lasts forever. Not even pain.''

  
He doesn't know if that's true but he'll take her word for it.

  
All he has is hope so why throw that away too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	5. I rewind the tape but all it does is pause.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie tells Patty about The Losers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuh get into it.

The day starts out fine.

  
He's actually not miserable when he wakes up and gets ready to go to work for once. 

  
Him and Patty have been hanging out a lot more and it's the first time he's had a friend since The Losers. She's not the same but Eddie is so fucking grateful for her. She also turns out to be very sassy and sarcastic just like him. He also thinks that her and The Losers would get along very well. She's also sweet and kind which Eddie appreciates since he definitely is a little broken from all the fucked up things that have happened in his life.

  
Someone used to call him brave but now he's just a delicate broken thing that will shatter if you treat it carelessly.

  
He hasn't told Patty anything about his past, especially after he broke down in the park when she asked him if he loved someone. He could tell she was curious but that she also respected his space and wouldn't pry.

  
He appreciated that and maybe one day he'll be able to tell her. Maybe he won't. He's not quite sure yet.

  
But as the day goes on, he might have to.

  
* * *

  
Eddie walks into the café and sees Patty at her usual spot by the counter. She's on her phone again smiling like she always is. Eddie wonders who it is on the other side who's always making her smile like that.

  
Will he ever have that?

  
Anyways. They greet each other and the day starts out normally.

  
It's not until their break when everything goes to shit.

  
The hours go by and soon it's noon which means lunch break for the two of them. They switch out with the other workers and head for the backroom. Patty grabs two muffins on the way.

  
The sit by the couch, eating their muffins and lunch while drinking tea and chatting. Eddie's gotten a lot more comfortable around her and he has almost no problem with being himself. He's not all the way there but it's a long process and he's working on it.

  
''So I tell my brother that it's not okay to do that and it's gross but he won't listen because I'm his sister and he never fucking listens to me which is annoying but then again, I never listen to him either so I guess we're even. But c'mon! Who does he think he is?!''

  
''That sounds...not fun. I mean being an only child sucks but if I had a brother that acted like that you bet your ass I'd send him to another country.'' He scoops the last of his yogurt out and into his mouth. The delicious berry taste swirling around making his taste buds scream 'Hallelujah'.

  
''You an only child, Eds?''

  
_Eds._

  
_You wound me, Eds._

  
_C'mon, Spaghetti! Live a little!_

  
_Alright, Eduardo, whatever you say._

  
_Spaghetti man!_

  
_Edward Spaghetward?_

  
_Eddie my love._

  
_I love you, Eds._

  
He chokes on the yogurt in his mouth and starts violently coughing. His eyes get teary and he looks at Patty with wide eyes. She's looking back at him with panic in hers.

  
''Don't call me that, ever again!''

  
''Eddie?''

  
''Don't ever call me that, okay?! EVER!''

  
''Okay I won't! I'm sorry I didn't know it-''

  
''It's fine- excuse me.'' He gets up and rushes over to the bathroom. He hastily locks the door and leans over the sink. He's breathing heavily and there are tears in his eyes.

  
He hasn't been called that in ages and the last time he was? Was from Richie.

  
He looks up at his reflection and sees his red rimmed eyes. His shiny cheeks and slightly chapped lips. His under eyes are dark and his skin is pale. He looks sick. He thought he was making process but the mirror clearly shows otherwise. He might've woken up fine today but he still has nightmares. Painful dreams that are actually just memories. He barely eats. He's still lonely as fuck, even with Patty. But she will leave too. She'll have to go back to LA in a couple of weeks and then she'll forget all about him. He just isn't someone worth remembering. Even The Losers that he grew up with probably never even bothered looking for him. 

  
He's completely and utterly alone.

  
''Eddie?'' Patty's voice comes through the door and Eddie closes his eyes.

  
''Leave me alone.''

  
''No, Eddie c'mon, please? Open the door.''

  
Eddie shakes his head even though she can't see it.

  
''I can't-''

  
''Eddie, breathe. You're okay. I'm not going anywhere.''

  
Eddie takes a few deep breaths before opening the door and stepping out. Patty's standing in front of him but he can't look at her face right now.

  
''I'm sorry.'' She whispers.

  
''It's not you I- I just- someone used to call me that.'' He looks at her, albeit a bit shyly and she's frowning sadly at him.

  
''Oh.''

  
''You didn't know and I'm sorry I flipped out.''

  
Patty bites her lip and takes a step forward.

  
''Can I hug you?''

  
Eddie just hugs her without answering and wraps his arms around her tightly. Patty hugs back and sways them from side to side gently. Eddie's crying silently with his head on her shoulder. They part after a minute and go to sit on the couch without a word. They sit next to each other and Patty takes his hand in both of hers and rests it on her thigh.

  
''What happened?''

  
Eddie knows what she means and he thinks about where to start.

  
''I had a group of friends growing up. We were like family. They were everything to me. I grew up in a shitty town with a shitty mom so they were all I had. All my happy memories involve them.'' He chuckles while thinking about some of them. ''Then one day, my mom decided we were gonna move and I was broken. I had to say goodbye to the best people I ever knew and I haven't seen them since.''

  
''They never called? Or came by?''

  
Eddie sniffs and wipes his cheeks with his sleeve.

  
''My mom wouldn't tell me where we were going so I didn't know. They never even stood a chance at ever finding me.''

  
Patty feels like crying as well. She thinks Eddie's amazing and he deserves the world and thinking about how lonely it must be for him just makes her want to hug him tightly until everything's better. It just isn't that simple.

  
She could never even imagine what life would be like if she didn't have her friends. They were like family to her too and if she were to lose them...she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

  
He must feel so lonely.

  
''God, Eddie. That sounds horrible.'' Her voice breaks and Eddie leans his head on her shoulder while he cries. She wraps her arms around him and whispers sweet nothings.

  
''I miss them so bad.''

  
She feels tears pool in her eyes.

  
''I can't even imagine.''

  
''They're all I had and now they're gone.'' He sobs and Patty feels helpless. She doesn't know what to say so she stays quiet and just holds him closer. She hopes it's enough. She knows it isn't but there's not much else she can do.

  
* * *

  
Eddie walks out the door after a long and exhausting day at work. He's tired and his eyes are dry from the crying he did earlier. He hadn't meant to. He though he was used to it by now but apparently not. 

  
He had also been pretty oversharing with Patty. He hadn't planned on ever telling her about his pathetic life struggles. Yes, they were getting closer and closer everyday but that was something so deeply rooted into his heart and now she knew about it. Now she knew just how miserable he was. Or at least had an idea.

  
He doubts she knows what it feels like, though.

  
He doesn't think most people do. Which is good but...

  
Why him then?

  
Before he can let his mind wander too far into the deep, a voice calls out from behind him. He turns around to see Patty jog up to him slightly out of breath.

  
''You're a fast walker you know that?'' She gasps out while holding her hand on her chest to ease the burning of her lungs.

  
''So I've been told.'' He's not really in the mood to talk. He's tired. Yeah, he's happy that he has a friend (of some sorts) but he's so burned out mentally, physically and socially.

  
''I just- I-,'' Patty takes a deep breath and then she's springing forward to hug him. It's tight and slightly suffocating but he accepts it and hugs back.

  
She let's out a shaky breath that makes the hairs on his neck stand up.

  
''I'm your friend, okay? I know I'm not- I'm not the friends you need or want but I'm here. And I like you, so don't let me going back to LA stop you from calling me. I'm more than happy to talk with you. I don't want you to be completely alone.'' She pulls away from the hug, leaving her hands resting on his shoulders while she flashes him a friendly smile.

  
Eddie smiles back at her. It doesn't quite reach his eyes but he tries. He's thankful to have her by his side. It helps to not feel so lonely anymore but still. Every time he comes home and faces that picture frame on his wall, it all comes rushing back and he feels like he's all on his own in the world.

  
And not even Patty, one of the nicest people he's ever met, can make him feel better. There's only a few people who can do that. Or even just one of them in particular, that could hold him and make it all better.

  
But those people. That person, isn't here.

  
And he's left feeling cold and empty with only the numbing pain to lull him to sleep. Like the saddest lullaby. 

  
''Thank you.'' He tells her with one last smile before turning to walk towards the subway station.

  
_Thank you for trying. Even if it won't do anything anymore._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you boos enjoyed<3


	6. Oh, can we just get a pause.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys had a good day and enjoy this!  
> <3
> 
> Today's chapter a little shorter but after this they'll only get longer.

Eddie stares down at the delicacy on the table.

  
He's been staring at it for about twenty minutes now.

  
There's a soft blanket wrapped around his shoulders and he's thinking.

  
He finally shakes his head and grabs the small candle to place it on the small chocolate cake. He lights it, the small flame flickering to life and dancing on the red and white striped stick of wax. He takes the bottle of wine that he only uses on days like this and pours a small amount into two glasses.

  
He places the other glass on the other end of the table and he waits a moment before taking a deep breath.

  
''Another year, huh?'' He chuckles humorlessly. He blinks at the yellow flame and smiles.

  
''I miss you. I miss all of you. I know this is really fucking sad and if you were actually here you'd- you'd probably laugh at me. But that would be okay. I don't have much for you this year so I'm sorry about that. Not that you can actually hear me. 

  
Anyways, I hope you've had a good year. Wherever you are. My year has been pretty shit. I know...surprising. But I met someone. A friend. She's nice. Her name's Patty and she works at the café with me. I bet you'd like her. Who wouldn't?''

  
He wipes a tear from his face and sniffs.

  
''It's getting really bad again. The hurting. It's always the worst this time of year. It's hard to keep going...hoping. It's been seven years. Can you believe it? Seven years without you. All of you.''

  
He smiles and let's the tears run down his cheeks. Their saltiness a bitter taste on his lips. He gasps and laughs.

  
''I should probably stop doing this. It's getting a little too sad. It's just- it helps. Helps to pretend. 

  
I got you chocolate. Your favorite. Well, it's kind of everyone's favorite but you like it so I... I bought it. Actually I just took it from work. Also, I'm running out of the wine. It's lasted this long but I guess everything must come to an end at some point right?''

  
He looks up to the other side of the table with a smile like there would actually be someone there.

  
But there isn't.

  
His eyes still linger on the empty spot though. His smile slowly dropping as he thinks.

  
''Nothing lasts forever...'' He murmurs.

  
He clears his throat and grabs the wine glass.

  
''Cheers.'' He chugs the whole thing before setting the glass down. He looks at the other glass on the other end for a moment before grabbing that one too. He smiles down at the red liquid before chugging that one down as well.

  
''Happy birthday, Mike.''

  
And with that he blows out the candle on the cake.

  
* * *

  
Patty's helping her aunt with the dishes.

  
She's been helping her family as much as possible this year. She knows they need the help. It's why she comes here every summer.

  
She admits that there are moments where she wishes she could be back home in LA. With her boyfriend and friends. She always misses them so terribly much when she's gone.

  
''Alright, honey I think I got it from here. You go ahead and relax for a bit.'' Her aunt tells her with a smile. Her eyes crinkling in the corners.

  
''Thanks, aunty.'' Patty smiles back at her before drying her hands on the blue towel next to the sink.

  
She grabs her phone and leaves the kitchen. She greets her other family members in the living room before going upstairs. They have a nice big family summer house where they all spend their time together. It was a lot easier to do stuff when you were a kid though. All you needed was your imagination and you'd be entertained for ages. It's harder to think of stuff to do now when she's older.

  
Anyways, she walks into her and her sister's shared bedroom and plumps down onto her bed. It's the same bed she's had since she was a little kid. Back then it was massive compared to her. Now she has to bend her knees to fit on it.

  
It can get annoying but she doesn't mind. The soft sheets smell like her childhood and it has memories.

  
She wouldn't change it for a thing.

  
She gets pulled from her thoughts by her ringtone buzzing from her jean pocket. She takes her phone out and smiles at the name on the small screen. She presses the green button and holds the device to her ear.

  
''Hello, you.''

  
''Hello, babylove.''

  
Patty smiles fondly and presses the phone closer.

  
''What are you guys up to?''

  
''Setting up the party.''

  
''Oh yeah. Remember to wish happy birthday from me.''

  
''Will do.''

  
''Wish I could be there with you guys. I miss you.''

  
''I miss you too. We all do.''

  
Patty lays down on her bed and closes her eyes.

  
''I'll be home next week.''

  
''I can't wait.'' There's shouting from the other end and Patty's pretty sure she can hear someone calling her boyfriend's name.

  
''Sounds like you gotta go.'' She chuckles.

  
''Yeah it does sadly. I'm gonna go see what's up but I'll call you later. We all will.''

  
''Okay. Bye, Stanny. Love you.''

  
''Love you too, Pattycakes.''

  
The phone beeps and Patty drops it on her chest with a sigh.

  
''Happy birthday, Mike.'' She whispers into the air.

  
* * *

  
Meanwhile. On the other side of the country, Stanley Uris sets his phone down after he finishes talking to his girlfriend and walks over to where all the noise and ruckus is coming from.

  
As expected, his friends are all shouting at each other and laughing. There are balloons everywhere in every color and someone's playing a kazoo really loudly. He he doesn't even have to look to know who it is.

  
''Stan!'' Bill yells and runs over to hide behind him. ''Beverly is bullying me.''

  
''Good.'' He replies and walks over to the dinner table that's propped full of snacks and drinks.

  
''ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! SHUT THE FUCK UP SO WE CAN START THIS PARTY!'' He yells and the others whoop and cheer loudly before gathering around the table.

  
Mike is shaking his head fondly, watching his friends gather around him and light the candles up on his birthday cake.

  
They sing him the song horribly out of tune and order before taking their champagne glasses and lifting them up.

  
''Cheers.'' Stanley smiles.

  
''CHEERS!'' Everyone else laughs and takes a gulp of the delicious sparkly drink.

  
''HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE!!!'' They all shout afterwards before digging into the cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our first look at The Losers!!!
> 
> It's about to get funky.
> 
> haha


	7. Is there a line that I could just go cross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty leaves for LA and Eddie is alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //TW: Alcohol and drug abuse, Mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts, almost attempted suicide, mental breakdowns//
> 
> This is one of my favorite chapters but also one of if not the saddest one.
> 
> Ooh boi. Buckle up kids!

The dreadful day is here.

  
Eddie feels sort of nauseous as he says goodbye to his now former colleagues. 

It's the last day of his summer job at the café and the entire day has just been him saying goodbye and giving fake smiles to all the lovely people that he has grown to like in the past few months. He's so exhausted from little to no sleep and he can barely get up in the mornings to go to work. It was only a matter of time before he was going to break (if he hadn't already). But the job took his mind off of his miserable pain. It made the shadows that weighed his shoulders down with sadness and depression disappear for just a moment.

  
The job gave him this distorted reality of what happiness could be and he could pretend. Pretend that everything really was alright. That he had friends and family and a purpose.

  
That he was living.

  
But now that's being torn away from him too. Like everything he has ever loved and has loved him back. He's back to square one again. To being completely worthless and a nobody. His only so called 'friend' is going back home to LA where all her best friends live and she'll probably forget all about him in a day or two.

  
Speaking off...

  
''Hey, Eddie, how you doin'?'' Patty walks over to him with a sad smile. They're about to end their last shift at the café and Eddie has spent nearly the entire day just quietly keeping to himself.

  
''I'm good, Patty.'' He attempts to smile back and sees Patty's face deepen with sadness. ''Really I'm fine.''

  
''If you insist..Just- I wanted to ask if you'd want to take a picture with me? I have this polaroid camera here and I really wanna capture some memories.'' She pulls a grey camera from her bag and waves it around with a shy and questioning smile.

  
Eddie looks at it and the back at her before sighing.

  
''Sure.''

  
Patty smiles her first genuine smile and excitedly holds the camera up to face the two of them.

  
''Great! Just look into the lens and SMIIILEEE!!!'' She wraps an arm around his shoulders and Eddie tries his best to force the biggest smile he can while he stares into the camera.

  
FLASH.

  
_FLASH_

  
_Another flash._

  
_The Losers are all crowded tightly into the small photo booth. Everyone's laughing and shoving at each other while attempting to pull silly faces into the camera._

  
_''Say cheese, Spaghetti!'' Richie pulls him into a side hug while giggling and Eddie tries to shove him off with furrowed eyebrows._

  
_''BEEP BEEP, RICHIE!'' He yells but it just makes Richie giggle harder which ends up with both him and Eddie laughing at each other. The other Losers have learned to ignore the two's antics and pose for the photos._

  
_They eventually squeeze back out of the booth and Beverly grabs the strip of black and white photos to show the rest of her friends. They all laugh at the silly pictures and Eddie frowns when he sees that in nearly all of the photos, him and Richie are a blurry blob of motion while his other friends are smiling and pulling faces._

  
_''Fuck you, Richie! You ruined our pictures!'' Eddie exclaims and Richie just holds his hands up in defense while laughing._

  
_''You're the one who didn't say cheese, Eds.'' He explains and Eddie huffs in annoyance before grabbing the photos from Beverly, ignoring her glare and taking another look at the photos._

  
_He looks at the 'ruined' photos with a frown before his eyebrows soften at the sight of the first picture. It must have been right before Richie threw himself onto him because the photo shows a bunch of smiling Losers and Eddie making a silly face. It's Richie's face that eventually grabs his attention because he's looking at Eddie with the most fond smile._

  
_He looks back up at Richie who looks back at him with a slightly out of breath smile from laughing for the past five minutes and he raises his eyebrows at him._

  
_''Whatsup, Eddie Spaghetti?''_

  
_''Don't call me that...'' Eddie mutters before handing the photos to Richie and he watches as the taller boy looks at the photos with an amused smile before he sees his eyes land on what Eddie assumes is THE photo. His smile turns that same kind of soft before he's quickly clearing his throat and shoving the pictures into Ben's chest, forcing him to grab onto them._

  
_''ANYWAYS! That was fun! What now?!''_

  
FLASH.

  
''Alright. Thanks, Eddie!'' Patty holds the camera close to her and waits for the picture to print out. Eddie smiles and is about to leave before Patty looks up at him again.

  
''Hey! Do you want a picture too?''

  
Eddie turns around to see her gesture to the camera with a smile.

  
''Oh, I wouldn't want to-''

  
''Eddie it's fine! C'mon!'' Patty grabs him by the wrist and yanks him back to stand next to her.

  
''You need some memories too!'' Patty laughs and holds the camera back up.

  
''Say cheese!''

  
* * *

  
Eddie closes the door behind him before slumping against it with a heavy sigh.

  
_What a fucking day._

  
This was it. This was the moment when he went back to the norm. The life that he despised but was forced to live.

  
Can this even be called living?

  
His eyes are stinging from what is bound to become a breakdown and he wishes he could just melt onto the floor. He wishes that he didn't have to live this life. That he could just be nothing.

  
Because he feels like nothing and knowing that, that is not how he's supposed to feel like hurts.

  
Because he used to be _something_. _SOMEONE_.

  
He's human and he's meant to _live_. But he just doesn't feel like trying anymore.

  
He walks over to the kitchen slowly. Feet dragging on the old wooden floor, planks creaking under his heavy weight.

  
He opens the fridge and grabs a beer, opening it and sliding down to the floor. He holds the cool glass of the bottle to his lips and chugs the bitter liquid inside. It flows down his throat and into his stomach in a nonstop motion and some of the beer drips down his jaw and trickles down his neck.

  
It's disgusting and filthy but he doesn't give a fuck anymore. He's done being careful with it. What's the fucking point in being careful when you're a worthless piece of shit and a nobody.

  
He starts thinking back to Christmas, 1997. It was the year his mom had finally kicked it and he was about to spend his first ever Christmas completely alone.

  
It was the worst Christmas he's ever had.

  
He thinks about what he almost did that night.

  
It wasn't that he necessarily enjoyed Christmas with his mother but at least he was his mother, you know? He was her son. They were a family who celebrated Christmas together. 

  
And then his mother died and he realized that he was a fucking nobody. He had no one and nothing left. He was officially alone.

  
And if being ripped away from his true love and family wasn't enough? Now he didn't even have his annoying and crazy mother to annoy him either.

  
The last person that made him a _somebody_.

  
He drops the now empty beer bottle onto the floor and reaches up to open the fridge and grab another one.

  
He chugs that one too.

  
* * *

  
He opens the fridge yet again and notices that there's no more beer.

  
Instead of being mad at himself for the fact that he has drunk three bottles of beer he closes the fridge and walks over to the cabinets. He opens the furthest one on the left and grabs the bottle of wine there. The bottle of wine that was only used on special occasions.

  
He didn't give a fuck.

  
_Today is a special fucking occasion._

  
His mind is already fuzzy with the alcohol from the beers but it's not enough. Even if he's a lightweight and he's already hammered, it just isn't enough.

  
He yanks the cork off and lifts the now bigger and heavier bottle up to his mouth and chugs. The bottle makes a bubbly 'gulp' sound and the red drink makes it's way down his throat, some of it slipping from the corner of his mouth and following the dried up tracks of the beer down to his shirt, staining itself into the fabric and making it's place in a forever home there.

  
But once again...

  
Eddie didn't give a shit.

  
He lowers the bottle, coughing and gasping for air. He's not used to chugging wine so it burns in his throat and it makes him want to through up.

  
''Fuck!'' He hisses and nearly falls on his ass because he's swaying pretty bad. He can't even see properly and his head feels like static.

  
But it still isn't enough. He wants to completely melt and numb himself so that he feels absolutely nothing.

  
So he starts making his way into the bathroom.

  
He has to grab onto the wall and shuffle himself there. It's hard when he has almost no control over his body anymore but he makes it. He leans against the door and turns the doorknob. Now he does end up falling onto the floor with the wine bottle still in hand and he drops it onto the floor, shattering it and what little amount of liquid still left in it now pouring and soaking into his carpet.

  
He doesn't bother getting up at first. He just stays there and that's when the waterworks happen. He chokes on a painful sob and starts hiccuping with tears streaming down his cheeks. His nose is running, the snot mixing into the tears and he doesn't even bother wiping his face clean.

_''Shh, Eds. Breathe for me. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.''_

Eddie cries harder at the memory. At the voice.

  
''Please....don't.''

_''We were supposed to go together. You and me.''_

''Richie-'' He curls in on himself, desperately trying to hide from not only the outside world but also the cruel thing inside his head. It.

_''Please, Eds. Don't leave me, please!''_

''I didn't want to! I'm sorry! Please, stop...'' He whimpers and places his hands on top of his ears.

_''I'll come look for you. I'll find you, I promise. I'll never stop.''_

''Shut up! JUST SHUT UP, RICHIE!'' He tightens his grip on his ears and wails. ''Please, just shut up.''

_''I love you too, Eds.''_

''Nonononononono-'' 

_''I love you so much and I can't take this. I can't live without you.''_

''NO!'' He screams and stands up. He almost blacks out from the sudden rush of blood but he stumbles over to the medicine cabinet, pulling it open to reveal all of his pills and vitamins.

_''Please don't go.''_

He ignores It and looks at the different bottles and packages and thinks back to that one Christmas.

  
He had been standing here just like this. Except he wasn't this drunk that time. His mind had been clear and he had been sure. He knew what he had to do and how to do it. He had nothing left anymore. Nothing to make him want to live.

  
He had ended up flushing the pills in his hand down the toilet after standing with them in his palm for 30 minutes. He couldn't do it. Even a simple thing like this and he cowered away. 

  
Couldn't even kill himself properly. 

  
It would've been so easy if he had just done it back then. He wouldn't have had to suffer this long. Slowly killing himself as the years went by instead of doing it quick and without pain.

  
He just wants to feel numb. To not feel anything. No pain, no joy, no nothing. But he can't. Because of It. Because of hope. He still has hope that one day they might find him or he'll find them. Hope is what keeps him from going through with this every time he's tried since that Christmas.

  
_That fucking piece of shit is causing me so much pain and misery and I just want it to stop._

  
He slams the cabinet shut and angry tears start rolling down his cheeks.

  
''Stupid fucking asshole! How dare you give me hope?! How fucking dare you?!'' He yells at his reflection. But he isn't talking to himself. He's talking to that voice. The voice that sounds like the love of his life. The voice that keeps him from letting go.

  
From giving up.

  
''Why me?'' He asks It. When there's no answer, he punches the mirror but it doesn't break.

  
''WHY ME?! WHY ME?! WHY ME?!'' He wails.

_''Stop fucking with me, Eddie!''_

He looks at his reflection angrily before he shoves himself out into the hallway. He walks over to the picture on the wall. The Losers' club. He points a finger at the young Richie.

  
''YOU STOP FUCKING WITH ME!'' He screams but it ends up sounding like a painful plea.

  
''Don't give me hope.'' He hiccups.

_''Next time we see each other? I'll kiss you so hard, you'll be seeing stars, Eds.''_

He leans his forehead against the picture with a soft thud. 

  
''Please...Chee.'' He whimpers. ''Stop. Just let me go.''

_''No. I will not rest until I find you again.''_

He holds in a sob but it ends up coming out as a pained yell and he yanks the picture frame off the wall and throws it on the ground, glass shattering everywhere.

  
''Shit.'' He winces and kneels down and his hands are shaking as he grabs the broken frame. ''No please no why did I do that?'' He cries and flips the frame over. The sharp shards of glass are pricking at his skin, small drops of blood digging their way through his pours but he doesn't care. He carefully takes the photo out and wipes some of the glass off.

  
''I'm sorry.'' He whispers to It.

  
It doesn't answer this time.

  
He scrunches his face up in a silent cry and holds the picture close to his chest.

  
''I love you guys.''

  
He leans down into a fetal position, still holding the photo to his chest as he softly cries himself to sleep.

  
* * *

  
Meanwhile, Patty boards on a plane to LA, excited to go back home and see her friends.

  
She hopes that Eddie will be okay and that he'll keep in touch. She knows that she will try her best to do so herself and call him every now and then. Maybe even visit when she's back in New York.

  
She had noticed him being off for the last couple of weeks and she wishes she had been enough to make it better. 

  
But she wasn't.

  
There's only one person/people who could do that and she knows nothing about them. To be honest, she's kind of angry with those people. She knows that it's hard to find someone when you have no idea where they are in the world but at least it would be easier for them to find him than for him to find them.

  
Eddie's so nice too. Even though she didn't get to fully know him she saw little glimpses. A little of what he must've been like. What he would be like if his life hadn't taken such a depressing turn.

  
God, she hopes he doesn't do something stupid. She knows what people in pain can do. She's been in pain and so has all her friends and boyfriend.

  
He's strong and he can do this. Patty believes that he can.

  
She wishes him luck before the plane takes off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm...much to think about🤔🤔🤔
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	8. And when I was shipwrecked, I thought of you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty connects the dots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We still have some angst on the way but y'all are finally getting a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel lol.
> 
> As the title says, this is a fucking shipwreck of a story but I hope you've liked it this far!<3
> 
> I also apologize for my shitty knowledge on airports and phones in the 90s.

Patty's exhausted when the plane finally lands. She'll never get used to flying back and forth even though she does it pretty often.

  
It's not long after the plane has landed that she finally gets to leave and she grabs her stuff and starts the adventure towards the baggage claim where she promised to meet Stan.

  
God, she's so excited. She hasn't seen him for nearly the entire summer and she misses him. So fucking much. She hates having to be apart from him for long periods of time and she just feels miserable without him and their friends.

  
But now she's finally home and they get to enjoy what little of the summer they have left. Not that she really minds having to go to school either, though. She loves school and Stan's there too so it really isn't at all bad. 

  
How did she get so lucky?

  
She pulls her phone out of her bag and opens the chat with Stan.

  
_Lady Bird <3: Just got off the plane, I'm omw!_

  
Before her boyfriend can text back, she puts her phone in her pocket and rushes over to security to get out of this maze that is an LA airport.

  
It's not until about 15 minutes later that she FINALLY gets to the baggage claim and she frantically starts searching for a head of mousy curls and hazel eyes. She looks everywhere her blue eyes let her and suddenly they light up when in the far corner, she spots the man she's been searching for. She smiles widely and starts speed walking over to her love and she sees him spot her too and his eyes light up the same way as she imagines hers are. She sees him start walking towards her and she picks up her speed.

  
They meet somewhere in the middle, Patty practically jumping him and wrapping her arms around him tightly. Stanley's laughing and hugging back with just as much force and he sways them side to side. Patty feels like crying from the relief of finally being able to hug him.

  
''I missed you, babylove!'' Stan chuckles, sounding a little choked up.

  
''I missed you too, my love.'' Patty sighs into his shoulder with a small smile.

  
They reluctantly part and both of them take a minute to look at each other. Admire each other. Patty looks at Stan's sunkissed skin and how it has gotten a nice golden tone to it, making his eyes shine even brighter and his curls are tighter and messier from the heat and humidity. She looks at the moles on his face and forearms, making him look extra cute and she just smiles.

  
Stanley seems to be coming to the same conclusion as her if the fond smile that takes over his face has anything to say about it.

  
''Shall we go get your luggage m'lady.'' He asks her with that warm and raspy voice that makes Patty week in the knees (in more ways than one) and she simply just nods with a smile and flushed cheeks before grabbing Stan's hand and walking towards the baggage claim carousel.

  
* * *

  
''So...How was New York?'' Stan asks from where he's driving the car.

  
Patty looks away from the window where she was admiring the view of her home and turns towards Stan with a smile.

  
''It was...okay? Not much different from any of the other trips there. Besides, I already told you most of it through the phone didn't I?'' She smirks.

  
Stan just rolls his eyes fondly and chuckles.

  
''Alright, okay. You got me there. What about that friend of yours? The new guy?''

  
Patty perks up at the mention of her friend and before answering Stan, she grabs her phone from her pocket.

  
''He was amazing! Super fun to hang out with! I bet you guys would've loved him!'' She says excitedly and pulls up the chat with her and Eddie.

  
_Patty: Hey, Eddie! Just got back to LA! Hope you're doing good, miss ya! <3_

  
''I bet. Is that him you're texting to?'' Her boyfriend's voice speaks up and she looks back over at him. He's not looking at her, instead keeping an eye on the road but Patty knows he's listening.

  
''Yup! I promised to keep in touch even after I left so..''

  
Stan smiles and Patty can see him looking at her from the side.

  
''That's great, baby.''

  
* * *

  
They arrive at Stanley's apartment and he helps her bring the luggage up to the right floor.

  
''Everyone's gonna be there by the way. Just thought to give you the heads up.'' Stan tells her once they get into the elevator.

  
''Good, cuz I've missed them.'' 

  
They arrive at the fifth floor and walk up to Stan's door. Patty can already hear a bunch of voices from the inside and her heart starts hammering with the anticipation of finally getting to see her friends. 

  
Stanley digs his keys out of his pocket and unlocks the heavy front door to reveal his clean and nice kept apartment. Patty loves his style of decor and there's this nice warm scent to it that always reminds her of home. The apartment has nice earthy tones with pictures of nature and birds on the walls, some pictures which Stan has taken himself. There are pictures of their friend group as well and some of just him and Patty. There's bookshelves stacked full of old books about the world and green vines dangling from the top.

  
''Welcome back.'' Stanley chirps up from next to her and sets the luggage on the floor. Patty absentmindedly pulls her jacket and shoes off while staring at the pictures. They're her favorite part and she always catches herself mesmerized by them.

  
''PATTYYY!'' Comes a singsong voice from the end of the hallway and before she knows it, Beverly is crashing into her. She wraps her arms around Beverly and laughs into her fiery hair.

  
''Hi, Bev!'' She rubs her back fondly just enjoying the moment but it's not long before a bunch of other voices boom from the same place and suddenly she's surrounded by her best friends.

  
''Welcome back, Patty!'' Mike smiles wide and joins in on the hug. Patty chuckles and tries her best to wrap an arm around him too.

  
''W-we missed yo-you!'' Bill laughs but instead of joining the hug he waits for his turn, letting Beverly and Mike have their moment with her.

  
''I missed you guys too. So much!'' Patty tells him, her voice muffled by Beverly's head of hair.

  
They all take their turns hugging and welcoming her. Bill kisses her cheek and gives her a bro-like hug being the dork he is. Ben hugs her tightly and nearly cries when telling her how much he missed her. She loves hugging Ben since he's so soft and warm. It feels like hugging a giant teddy bear.

  
She has yet to hug someone and just as she's about to ask Stan about it, Richie walks down the hallway with a small smile on his face.

  
''Hey, Pats. Glad to have you back.'' He walks up to her and gives her a side hug. He's not as physically affectionate as the others but Patty smiles and takes what she can get.

  
''Hello, Rich. Glad to be here.'' She smiles up at the tall man who just ruffles her hair in return and gives her a little wink.

  
''Alright why don't we get Patty settled in and then we order some food?'' Stanley asks them all and earns a bunch of cheers in return. He grabs some of Patty's bags and she follows him into the bedroom to unpack.

  
* * *

  
''What did you do in the big apple, Pats?'' Mike asks her from where they're all all crowded into Stanley's small kitchen. Her, Stan, Bev and Mike are sitting by the table while Ben and Bill are standing by the window next to them. Richie's leaning against the kitchen counter not far behind.

  
''Well. I worked for most of the time at the family café. And then I mostly just stayed home helping my family.'' She takes a sip from her 'English Breakfast' tea, letting the sweet warmth sit on her tongue for a second before swallowing. ''I did go shopping too though. So it wasn't all that boring.''

  
''And you made a friend.'' Stanley adds in for her and everyone starts asking questions about it. They always get excited when someone meets somebody. Not really used to having many friends so it always get them curious when someone manages to find one.

  
''Oh yeah! We worked together at the café. His name is Eddie! And he was so sweet, guys!'' She smiles but it falters when everyone kind of looks at one another and she hears someone start coughing from behind her and she turns to see Richie with a hand over his mouth, coughing like he just choked on some spit. As soon as they make eye contact he gives her a tight-lipped smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

  
''I'm glad you found a friend, love.'' She turns back to see Stan giving her a small smile and she notices everyone smiling at her like she just told them someone died.

  
''Why do you guys look like I just gave you the saddest news?'' She let's out a nervous chuckle.

  
Beverly lifts her head from where she was resting it on her hand before she gives a quick glance around. She seems to find what she wants and looks back at Patty with the same sad as fuck smile.

  
''We're just happy for you, birdie. Sorry if it looks like we're about to cry but I promise it's from happiness.'' Beverly chuckles lightly at the end and Ben puts a hand on her shoulder and she smiles up at him gratefully. Patty can tell that she's full of shit but instead of prying, she brushes it off for now and continues with another topic.

  
* * *

  
Her and Stan are doing the cleaning the kitchen while the radio plays soft music in the back, giving the home a nice cozy atmosphere. The air is stuffed with a sweet strawberry scent from the dish soap and Patty's listening to Stan hum along to the music quietly.

  
Their friends left a while ago, having to go back to their own apartments and get some sleep after a long day. Patty already misses them and the feeling they give her when they're all together. But she's also glad to finally have some time alone with Stan. They haven't seen each other in two months so it's good to finally have him here with her.

  
''We're almost done. You can go get ready for bed, babylove. It's been a long day for you.'' Stanley gives her a kiss on her temple before moving to but a plate on the drying rack.

  
''Thank you, honey.'' Patty dries her hands on the little towel hanging from the wall and walks over to the bedroom. She usually stays over at Stan's even though she technically lives in the college dorms. She'll go back when classes start but you better bet she's staying here for as long as possible. 

  
She grabs the sanitary bag from her suitcase and digs through for her toothbrush and moisturizer. She thinks back to the little moment earlier today where everyone got weirdly quiet at the mention of her friend. It was really weird and she wonders what made them act so unlike them. What made Richie choke on his own spit and Beverly nearly cry to the point where Ben had to put a comforting hand on her shoulder? Even Stan looked like it pained him to smile and reassure her that it was okay.

  
The thought makes her remember the message she sent to Eddie and she picks her phone from her back pocket, only to frown at what she sees.

  
There's no notification for a new possible message and when she goes to check the chat she can see that Eddie hasn't responded.

  
_Maybe he just forgot to answer?_

_Today has been both amazing and weird._

  
_Why was everyone acting so weird all of a sudden?!_

  
She stares at the chat for a while and doesn't even notice Stanley walk into the room. He sits on the bed and stares at her.

  
''Patty?'' She looks up towards the voice and sees Stan looking at her with slightly furrowed eyebrows.

  
''Huh?''

  
''You okay?'' He pats the spot next to him on the bed and Patty sighs before walking up to sit next to him.

  
''Yeah it's just that- that..I was wondering why everyone got so weird today at the mention of Eddie. They aren't like..angry at me? For making a new friend?'' She asks her boyfriend worriedly.

  
Stan turns away from her to stare directly ahead with a sad smile. He seems to think something through before giving his own heavy sigh.

  
''It's probably time I tell you, huh?'' He looks back at her with the same smile.

  
''Tell me what?'' Patty didn't expect for there to actually be some kind of answer but she's dying to hear it.

  
''Look, we've been dating for three years now and...I've been waiting for the right time but turns out there isn't really one so...'' He takes her hand and rests it on his lap. ''You know how we go by The Losers' club?'' He waits for her to nod before continuing.'' So you might think you became the seventh member but the truth is..you're actually the eighth.

  
Patty frowns confused and open her mouth before closing it again, not sure what to say but in the end she asks, ''What do you mean?''

  
''I mean there used to be a seventh Loser even before I met you.'' He gives her hand a squeeze, silently telling her to bare with him. ''He was one of the firsts and our best friend. We grew up in the same town and we were very close.'' He chuckles slightly, probably thinking back to the old times. ''Then one day, his mother decided that it would be best if they moved and he had to leave. We had no idea where they were going and we've tried to look but we've never gotten anywhere.'' He quickly wipes at his right eye and that's when Patty notices his eyes are wet with tears.

  
''Stan?''

  
''I'm okay. It's just that- he was like a brother to me and I still miss him. We all do.'' Patty strokes his knuckles gently with her thumb, comforting him.

  
''Let me guess. His name was Eddie?'' She's now sporting that same sad smile and Stanley chuckles again.

  
''Yup. Eddie or Eddie Spaghetti as Richie would call him.''

  
''Wait. _Richie_ called him Eddie Spaghetti?'' Patty couldn't believe that someone like Richie would call someone a weird nickname like that.

  
''Oh yeah. And he called him many other things too. The two of them were the closest you know? Inseparable! The two most annoying members of the group.'' The smile Stanley has now, doesn't seem so sad anymore. More fond if anything. ''They drove me crazy.''

  
Patty is so confused.

  
''Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait. Hold on. We're talking about the same Richie right?'' Stanley actually properly laughs at her confused face and hold his chest with a hand as he snorts and giggles. It only lasts about fifteen seconds before his expression turns sadder again.

  
''Richie used to be so different back then. He was loud and affectionate. Always craving attention and clinging to you when you didn't give him any.'' Proper tears are trickling down his cheeks now and he doesn't even bother wiping them away. ''Eddie was his favorite victim and the one he teased the most. And usually if Richie teased one of us, it was just to get a rise out of Eddie, who was such a spitfire himself that he was the only one who could keep up with the teasing. Always firing back harder than Richie. But it just spurred him on and he kept doing it. Not that Eddie minded though. Seeing as they were in love with each other.''

  
''They were what?!'' Patty asks him wide eyed.

  
''Well they didn't really notice until it was too late but they were so obvious about it. Richie even came over one time, crying to me about how he'll never be able to love anyone else and he'll never get to be with him.''

  
''Oh my god. So when Eddie left..''

  
''It _BROKE_ Richie. He was miserable and refused to hang out with anyone for the rest of the year. A while later he eventually came back but he was...different. Still made jokes here and there but that typical Trashmouth, which we called him by the way, wasn't there anymore. Like he buried it deep down, only to dig back up when he's alone and missing Eddie. Which is at least every night I'm sure.''

  
''So the Richie I know is not the real one?'' Patty ends up wiping the tears from his cheeks for him, not being able to handle seeing him cry.

  
''No it's Richie. Just the sadder and more dull version of him. You can still see that he's there but...it's just covered with this shadow. Like he doesn't even want to be better. He wants to be in pain.''

  
Patty can feel her own eyes sting with tears and she sniffs wetly before resting her other hand on top of Stan's.

  
''What about you? And everyone else?''

  
Stanley smiles down at their joint hands before taking a deep breath.

  
''We miss him so fucking much. That emptiness where Eddie used to be will never heal for any of us but we have each other you know? Like..we aren't alone and we have that special someone who makes us whole in another way. Bev has Ben, Bill has Audra, I have you and Mike has..well he has us and we're all he needs. His words not mine. So it's easier for us because when we find ourselves missing him bad, we can just go and get the love we miss from someone else. But Richie doesn't have that. Well he does but that's Eddie and he's the on who's gone. So even though we all miss him and spend nights crying ourselves to sleep because of it, we don't have it as bad as Richie. Some people are just meant to be together and when they're apart, they're broken. I can't even begin to imagine what Eddie must feel like. Not only doesn't he have Richie, he has _NONE_ of us.''

  
Patty's full on crying and Stanley wraps an arm around her shoulder, comforting her even though Patty feels like it should be the other way around.

  
''God, I didn't even know and I-'' Sniff, ''I said the name and Richie-'

  
''Hey. It's okay, hun. It's okay, you didn't know.''

  
''The l-look on his face was so..'' She just continues crying and is too distraught to even connect the what should be obvious dots right now.

  
''It's okay. He understands that you couldn't have known. It just surprised him. Surprised all of us. You never really get used to hearing the name. Even when it's a common one like Eddie.'' Stan comforts.

  
They sit there for a while, just holding each other and basking in the comfortable silence. Patty almost doesn't want to break it but she feels like saying something.

  
''I wish I could bring him back to you.''

  
Stan smiles from where his head is resting on Patty's.

  
''I wish that too. Wish I could see him again. Even just once.'' He looks at the floor for a while, thinking about his old friend. ''Our Eddie Kaspbrak.''

  
Patty's body tenses and she looks up from where she was staring down at her lap. She stares at nothing disbelievingly before slowly turning towards Stan.

  
''What?''

  
Stanley frowns at his girlfriend's sudden change in demeanor.

  
''Patty?''

  
''You mean..Eddie Kaspbrak as in...Edward..Kaspbrak?'' Her eyes widen and she's looking at Stan like she just found the cure for cancer or something.

  
''Yeah?'' He answers doubtfully and Patty gasps and stands up, covering her mouth with her hand. Finally connecting the dots.

  
''Oh my god.'' Her voice is muffled from her hand, a new set of tears springing into her eyes.

  
_Holy fucking shit how did I not realize this sooner!?_

  
''Patty what-''

  
''IT'S HIM! H-HE'S THE FRIEND! MY EDDIE I-IS YOUR EDDIE!!!'' Patty's pointing a finger at him and now it's Stanley's eyes that widen.

  
''W-what?'' His voice is small and unsure. He doesn't want to get his hopes up.

  
''We gotta- we gotta call everyone! I-'' Patty runs over to her purse and starts searching for something in it. Her hands are shaking and she's struggling to see through her teary eyes but eventually she gets her hands on the item she was looking for. She runs back over to Stan and places it in his hand.

  
''That's- That's him. That's my Eddie.'' She gestures to the thing and Stanley looks down to see a polaroid picture in his palm. He chokes on a sob when next to a smiling Patty, he can see a slightly more tired and older looking Eddie Kaspbrak.

  
''P-Patty, how did you-'' he hiccups, ''wha- the Eddie you've been working with has been our Eddie all this time?!'' He looks up at Patty with tears streaming down his face and Patty nods.

  
''Looks like it.'' She laughs wetly. ''I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. He told me about how he lost his friends and how miserable he was without them and I just- I didn't even think about the possibility of us talking about the same person.'' She buries her face in her hands, shoulders shaking and Stan's not sure whether it's from laughter or crying. Probably both. ''It was the same person all along.''

  
Stanley stands up and rushes over to her, resting his hands on her shoulders. ''Patty? Patty look at me.'' He waits for her to do as he says. ''We- We have to get him. We have to get him back!'' He grins tearfully.

  
Patty nods again. Wiping the tears from her face.

  
''I'll call the others-'' She pulls her phone out but Stanley grabs her wrist, stopping her.

  
''Wait-'' He looks down at the phone for a moment before turning back to Patty. ''Richie's working tonight. Call everyone but him.''

  
''Stan I think he'd come if we-''

  
''No. I- I want to surprise him. I have to. Plus...he'd murder you if he found out you'd been hanging out with his Eddie for the entire summer.''

  
Patty smiles before muttering a small 'okay' and dials Beverly's number. It rings for a couple of seconds before a sleepy Beverly answers.

  
''Hello?''

  
Patty looks at Stan smugly and he grins back nodding.

  
''Come over. It's urgent.''

  
* * *

  
The doorbell rings and Patty rushes from where her and Stan had been talking on the couch to go open the door. Her face is still red and raw from crying since they had been talking about Eddie and their plan to get him back.

  
She opens the door to reveal all The Losers, minus Richie (and Eddie) and she practically pulls them inside, ignoring the questions about her teary face.

  
''C'mon guys! Hurry up!'' She pulls at a very sleepy Bill's sleeve and everyone follows her, confused as ever.

  
''Patty, wha-'' Beverly starts while trying to rub the sleep from her eyes but Patty just interrupts her.

  
''No just- just hear us out!'' They get to the living room and everyone's looking at her and Stan's wet faces.

  
''S-Stan?'' Bill frowns at his friend's tears.

  
Stan looks at Patty and they both seem to have a silent conversation about what to do next. Patty ends up just nodding towards their friends and Stan looks at them with a teary smile. Not quite believing what he's actually about to tell them.

  
''Sta-'' Mike starts but Stan shakes his head, shutting him up.

  
''We found him.'' Comes his raspy and used up voice. Throat still soar from sobbing.

  
Everyone kind of just looks at each other again. Not quite sure what's happening. Beverly ends up asking for all of them.

  
''Found who?''

  
''Him. Beverly.'' Stanley lets out a wet laugh before continuing. ''We found him. We found E-Eddie.'' His voice breaks at the name and he starts shaking from crying again. New tears forming and falling down his cheeks.

  
''What?'' Beverly's voice is full of disbelief and doubt. Her eyes are shiny and _god fucking dammit they better not be shitting with me!_ She thinks.

  
''Turns out the Eddie I worked with for the entire summer was the very same Eddie you guys have been missing for all these years.'' Patty explains, barely getting through the sentence without her voice breaking too.

  
''WHAT!?'' Beverly's voice actually breaks and the tears in her eyes now stream down her face. 

  
''Patty you better not be m-me-messing with us ri-'' Bill is looking at her like he doesn't even dare to hope what she's saying is actually the truth.

  
But it is! It finally fucking is the truth!

  
''We're not, Bill.'' Stanley speaks up. ''Patty, show them the...'' He flails his hand around trying to get the point across.

  
''On it.'' Patty nods and runs into the bedroom, grabbing the little polaroid photo and runs back into the living room where The Losers are in the middle of falling apart. Everyone's eyes are shiny and most are already full on crying.

  
''Here.'' Patty hands the picture to Beverly. ''Look.''

  
And she does. Beverly looks down at the photo and slaps a hand over her mouth, crying even harder when she sees her old friend staring back at her.

  
''Oh my god.'' She thumbs over the grainy photo, over Eddie's smiling face. ''Eddie.'' She squeaks before showing the picture to the rest of the group. They all have a similar reaction.

  
Patty and Stan smile at each other, knowing that it's about to be a long but worthy night.

  
* * *

  
''S-so what do we do?'' Bill asks them. They have all found a spot in the living room, slowly calming down. Well calming down as much as they can. Everyone's running high on adrenaline and Beverly is still quietly sobbing into Ben's shoulder. 

  
Stan starts explaining what him and Patty have planned so far.

  
''Well we thought that since Patty's the only one who knows his exact location, she'll be the one to go get him here. We also thought that since it's his birthday next month we could make it a surprise for him.''

  
Beverly looks up at that and shakes her head.

  
''No- Stan. I can't wait that long. We have to go get him now. Please.''

  
''Of course we won't wait that long. It would be an early birthday present.'' Stanley reassures her. She nods shakily and leans back against Ben. Patty speaks up next.

  
''We thought that we'd make it a surprise for both Eddie _and_ Richie. So you guys would meet us at the airport and so forth.'' She smiles.

  
''OH MY GOD RICHIE!'' Ben gasps. ''He has no idea! Oh god it's gonna be so good to have him back! Both of them!''

  
''Yeah there's just one slight problem.'' Patty winces apologetically and everyone looks at her with wide eyes. ''We don't have the money to fly us both back and forth.''

  
''We'll all pitch in. I'm sure that would be enough.'' Beverly tells her. ''C'mon we will not let this be the thing that stops us from seeing him!''

  
''I mean that could work but it's a lot of money and we're all either poor college students or poor workers. Just don't get your hopes up that we'll have it this soon.'' Stan frowns.

  
Mike stands up all of a sudden, shaking his head and looking at them all determinately.

  
''No. I've been saving up for that trip to Florida and I'll gladly use that to get my friend back instead. It's not enough on it's own but if everyone adds a little bit it will be.''

  
''You sure, M-Mikey?'' Bill asks him with a fond smile, already knowing the answer.

  
''One hundred percent.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES YES YES!!
> 
> It's happening guys!!


	9. It was real enough to get me through.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty goes back to get Eddie, meanwhile Bev and Stan are trying to help a sad Richie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //TW: Alchol and drugs, hospitals, depressive and self destructive thoughts.//
> 
> We're getting closer and closer.

Richie Tozier hates his fucking life.

  
If you're wondering how he spends most of his days, it goes a little bit like this: He'll wake up late in the noon and have coffee. He'll lay on his bed and browse on social media until he has to go to work at 11 pm at the local bar. He'll come back home at around 7 am and go back to sleep. That is his everyday life.

  
And he only thinks about Eddie all the time.

  
It's not that there hasn't been a day or a moment where he hasn't enjoyed himself in the last seven years. He's had fun. He's laughed. There's even been times where he genuinely thought he could get over the love of his life.

  
But who is he kidding?

  
Not a day goes by where he doesn't miss him. His face. His laugh. Those giant doe-eyes that haunt his dreams. Yes there might be those moments where he _thinks_ he can move on but in the end you could never get him to do it.

  
Because he doesn't want to. No matter how much pain it brings him, he could not imagine living a life where he didn't love Eddie Kaspbrak.

  
Yes, there has been times when he's tried but his heart was never fully in it. Something deep down always screaming 'EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE' and longing for said boy. Like he physically couldn't even exist without him.

  
He also knows that Eddie would hate the way he's living right now. Because what he does isn't living, it's just surviving and those two just aren't the same thing.

  
But Richie doesn't care. Because Eddie isn't here. He isn't here to bitch and moan about Richie's questionable lifestyle. He isn't here to yell at him to get his shit together.

  
He isn't here for him to hold close and never let go like he so desperately wants to.

  
He just isn't _here_.

  
And Richie HATES it.

  
He's tried to be with other people. Gone on dates and everything. It took him years to do so because he thought Eddie would come back. He had hope. So in the beginning he absolutely refused to go out with anyone romantically. He had promised Eddie that he'd kiss him when they found each other. Had promised to love him and only him.

  
But he had gotten so damn lonely. So a couple years ago, he started sleeping with people. People who reminded him of Eddie. Both boys and girls. Brown hair, brown eyes. Freckled cheeks. Short with an attitude. You name it. 

  
But in the end it was never the same was it?

  
Richie had never really believed in soulmates. He thought people liked someone, fell in love with that someone, worked hard to stay that way and _boom_. You were the love of each other's lives. But how else could you explain the void in his soul? The hole in his heart? The feeling of deep dark pain of being apart that hurt so bad it broke him completely?

  
So Richie might not have believed in soulmates but he was damn sure Eddie was his.

  
And that's why Richie Tozier hates his fucking life.

  
Because the one person who made it all worth it. All the pain and darkness. The anger, the joy. Who made his boring life seem the most exciting. Was gone.

  
Might as well be dead. Richie would have no idea. They practically lived in different worlds and Richie hated his.

  
He hated his stupid bartending job. Hated his old and smelly apartment. Hated getting up from his old and squeaky bed everyday. He hates every single thing about his new world.

  
He wants his old one back. Wants Eddie back.

  
The only thing he doesn't hate, are his friends. The Losers' club. He doesn't like calling them that anymore, seeing as it isn't whole without a certain hypochondriac.

  
He loves them with all his heart. Would do anything for them. Risk his life for them. Bill, Mike, Ben, Stan, Bev. Even Patty and Audra, the new members of their group.

  
But they just aren't Eddie.

  
He'd choose Eddie over them in a second. Because yes, he'd die for them but he'd kill everyone for Eddie. Let everyone die. Let worlds burn to the ground in flames. He'd risk every single life in the universe if it meant that Eddie would be safe and sound.

  
They just don't compare.

  
And he doesn't mean to sound so dark and twisted but it's the truth. Simple as that. He doesn't have an explanation or a reason. It's just simply a fact for him. No one matters the way Eddie does. Not to him.

  
He knows that the seven years away from Eddie has caused his mind to darken a bit. Knows that sixteen year old Richie wouldn't think like this. He knows it okay?!

  
People usually learn to move on from losing someone close. The love of their life. They don't quite heal but they learn to live with it. Move on the best that they can.

  
But Richie isn't people. He hasn't learned to accept and move on. To live without Eddie. He doesn't want to.

  
Richie Tozier is a depressed, empty sack of shit who has given up on everything but his love for Eddie Kaspbrak. He has no hope left and spends his days under a mask. Pretending he's healing.

  
For one Richie Tozier simply isn't whole without one Eddie Kaspbrak.

  
* * *

  
''Alright guys. I better get going.'' Patty's standing in Stan's hallway with her luggage yet again, though this time all she has is a backpack since she'll only be gone for one night. They had managed to get a flight much earlier than expected and it's only been a few days of anticipated planning.

  
The Losers are there to wish her a good trip and she wishes she could take them all with her. Let them get to see Eddie. Their missing Loser. Bring him home.

  
But this is a one woman mission and Patty's gladly taking this one for the team. She's also glad they booked a flight so fast since Eddie hasn't answered any of her texts or calls which is making her worried.

  
_I really hope he's okay._

  
''Okay. See ya soon! Bring back our Eddiekins!'' Beverly smiles and gives her a quick hug.

  
''I will.'' Patty chuckles and turns to walk out the door. Stanley follows right behind, having promised to walk her out to the taxi. He'd drive her but he has work in half an hour.

  
''BYE!'' They all scream and she waves them 'goodbye' before walking out the door with Stan.

  
They take the elevator down to the main lobby before walking out to the warm LA weather. The sun is shining bright and hot. The city pulsing with life of every kind. Patty looks down the street and spots her taxi not too far away. She turns back to Stan and hugs him tight.

  
''Love you.'' She whispers into his ear, hugging him tighter.

  
''Love you too.'' Stan leans back a little, still holding her by the waist and he presses a kiss to her lips. ''Be safe and text me when you get there.'' He smiles and pushes a strand of her hair back.

  
''Promise.'' She kisses him on the cheek before stepping back. ''And make sure our friends don't do anything stupid.'' She winks and walks away, blowing Stan yet another kiss and giggles when he pretends to catch it.

  
She steps into the taxi, telling the driver to head for the airport before leaning back in the seat with a sigh. She looks out the window and thinks about Eddie.

  
_I'm gonna come get you home, bud._

  
* * *

Stanley walks back inside the apartment and is immediately swarmed by all of his friends.

  
''I can't believe this is actually happening!'' 

  
''We're getting him back!''

  
''I've missed him so fucking much!

  
''W-we have to get h-him something for when he comes b-back!''

  
''Alright alright!'' Stanley laughs and backs off a little. ''First of all, Bill. You're right. We should get him something for when he's back. Like a little welcome home party.'' He walks into the kitchen, everyone following right behind.

  
''I could make a cake!'' Ben suggests with an excited smile. He loves baking and always does it for their parties. Everyone would definitely appreciate a good old Ben Hanscom baked good.

  
''I'll get him a gift from all of us!'' Beverly adds with wide eyes and a huge grin. She's so excited to have one of her favorite people back. She's even a little bit nervous. Nervous to see what the years have done to Eddie Kaspbrak. What does he sound like? He looks pretty much the same except his features have gotten sharper and don't have that childish roundness anymore. Where does he work? Does he still carry that fanny pack of his that Richie always made fun of? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

  
''That's great, guys.'' Stanley smiles. He can't quite believe that this is happening. His girlfriend is actually on her way to go get their Eddie back.

  
_THE_ Eddie Kaspbrak.

  
One of the original Losers. The boy who went out of his way to keep their group out of harms way. Always fretting about different diseases and health facts. Not that his concerns ever stopped The Losers from doing stupid shit but he was always there to patch them up when needed. Because no matter how scared or unsure he was, he always joined in on their adventures. Yes, he'd complain for most of the time but he was still always there.

  
And, man. If Stanley said he wasn't excited to see Richie and him back together, he'd be lying. He wonders if everything's gonna magically change for the better. It probably won't but Richie will definitely be happy. God, the two of them are probably going to be inseparable and codependent after the trauma of losing each other. Mental illness doesn't go away just like that so they'll all have to work on it. Be supportive and patient.

  
It gets Stanley thinking more about Richie and how down he's been feeling as of late. It's always at its worse this time of year. It's around the same time Eddie left and also close to his birthday. 

  
And Stanley's been worried about his best friend. 

  
Richie doesn't like to talk about it or show it. But he misses him. He's a sensitive guy and feels a lot. Especially for Eddie. That boy loves so much and there was a time when he loved to show it. Richie Tozier loved to hug his friends, pull them into headlocks, comfort them when they were scared and encourage them when they were doubtful. He was always there for them in his own special way through teasing and making them laugh at the most inappropriate of times. He just rarely, if ever, let them hear about his own feelings. He didn't like being cared for. Felt like he didn't deserve it and always hid under layers and layers of humor as a coping mechanism. Richie was loved but he didn't really love himself.

  
Eddie was the only one he could open up to. The only one that could make him feel special. He even told Stanley so himself the night when he came crying to him over how bad he loved the shorter boy.

  
So Stanley really missed Eddie but he missed Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier too.

  
* * *

  
Patty's honestly tired of all of this flying but she knows it's all going to be worth it. And next time she steps into a plane, it'll hopefully be with one Eddie Kaspbrak by her side.

  
So here she is. Back in New York after yet another long ass flight and now she has to figure a way to get to Eddie's place. She's only seen it once, through a taxi window when they went home in the same taxi one time after being out. She knew the place but not the address so she's got to figure something else out.

  
_What's the closest thing to his place that I know?_

  
_Oh I know!_

  
She walks out to the side of the street and waves a taxi over, waiting for it to pull up before getting in. She closes the door and clicks her seat belt on.

  
''Where to, miss?'' The driver looks at her through the rear view mirror and Patty smiles at him.

  
''Just get me to the nearest subway station.'' 

  
She'll know where to go from there.

  
The drive only takes about ten minutes and Patty pays the driver before stepping out and taking a deep breath. She looks at the entrance of the underground station and thinks.

  
She took the subway with Eddie once and she got off before him but she's pretty sure Eddie mentioned his stop before. She only has a hunch but fuck it right? Life is full of risks and you just have to take them.

  
''Please let me be right.'' She mutters as she walks through the entrance.

  
* * *

  
Somehow she gets there.

  
She thought she had gotten lost at one point but here she is, standing in front of the brown brick building and looking up.

  
''Here I come, Kaspbrak.''

  
She walks over to the glass door, pulling it open and stepping into the thick aired hallway. She turns to look at the board with the resident names listed on it, searching for the familiar name and where the person carrying it lives.

  
She eyes each number and letter before stopping on 'Kaspbrak' and reads '4th floor' next to it. She takes a deep breath, holding the strap of her backpack tighter in her fists and walks over to the old looking elevator.

  
This whole building is on the older side and the elevator is one of those with the wooden door...and a sign that reads 'Not in use'. She sighs before looking up at the stairs with a low whine.

  
''Fuck.''

  
She starts walking up the stairs, step by step. She thinks about how she's so close to being back to Eddie. To get to surprise him with a trip to LA and then reunite him with his long lost friends.

  
His long lost love.

  
She's positively giddy with the feeling. It even adds a spring to her step, fastening her way up to the fourth floor. She makes it there in no time and starts walking down the hall, looking for Eddie's door.

  
_Peters._

  
_Alister._

  
_Diaz._

  
_AHA! Kaspbrak!_

  
She knocks on the door with an excited smile, waiting for Eddie to open up. She waits for about a minute before knocking again, smile faltering but still going strong. After its been about three minutes with no answer, she frowns and goes to knock again.

  
''Eddie?'' She looks through the peephole even though she can't see through it and waits.

  
And waits.

  
And waits.

  
She looks down at the doorknob wondering if-

  
_Click._

  
She pulls the unlocked door open with a confused frown that deepens when she sees the state of the apartment. The floor i scattered with cans and bottles of beer. There's even some shattered glass on the floor which can't be good.

  
''Oh no.'' She steps inside fully, locking the door behind her. The whole place reeks of alcohol and vomit. It's fucking disgusting but she doesn't care about that right now. She's just worried and that worry becomes fear when she spots the pill bottles on the bathroom floor, pills all over the place. Her heart sinks and her eyes widen.

  
''Eddie!'' She runs into the living room and looks around frantically, the bed is empty. So is the floor. It's not until she hears a pained moan that she turns around to the kitchen and spots Eddie sitting against the fridge, looking pale as ever.

  
''Oh, honey-'' She rushes towards the ill looking boy and kneels down beside him. ''Eddie, what happened?'' She puts a hand on his shoulder and looks him over. His face is white as a sheet, there's what looks to be vomit in the corner of his mouth and even a little bit on his shirt. He's holding a broken picture frame and Patty takes it from him gently, turning it over and sighs when she sees a picture of The Losers when they were younger.

  
''Patty?'' She looks at Eddie's face again and he's looking back with slightly unfocused and glassy eyes. She can tell that he's still drunk and probably also high. It's making her worried that he might have taken something that doesn't go well with alcohol.

  
''Hey, Eddie.'' She tries to give him an encouraging smile. ''What's going on?''

  
Eddie stares at her for a moment before moaning in pain again. He's about to fall over as he clutches his stomach so Patty has to catch him. 

  
''Hurts.'' He hisses as he scrunches his eyes shut and holds himself tighter, making Patty look at him even more worried.

  
''Shit, Eddie. I think we have to go get you to the ER cuz this doesn't look too g-''

  
''No!'' Eddie sobs all of a sudden, eyes now brimming with tears. ''I'm not going to the ER! I'm not gonna get better and you should leave because I just don't give a fuck anymore!''

  
Patty presses her lips together with furrowed eyebrows.

  
''Nope. Not happening, Eddie. We're going-'' She watches Eddie open his mouth to protest but she just hold a hand up, ''No. Uh uh. We're going. Period.'' She stands up and walks over to grab Eddie's shoes. ''Get ready. I'm calling an ambulance.'' She walks back over to him, dropping the shoes in front of him. 

  
Eddie's crying and whimpering and Patty kneels down again holding his face and wiping the tears from under his eyes. ''Eddie, hey.'' She presses a small kiss to his forehead before hugging him close. ''C'mon we gotta get going. I have a surprise for you.'' She chuckles a little wetly, her own tears threatening to spill.

  
Eddie tenses up for a second before wrapping his arms around her, crying harder. Patty just holds him and whispers sweet nothings to him.

  
_This is about to be a looong day._

  
* * *

  
It's much later in the evening now.

  
Stan looks at Bev before ringing the doorbell to Richie's apartment. They're going grocery shopping and it's tradition for them to pull Richie along since he wont do it on his own.

  
It's not long before a very sleepy looking Richie opens the door with a groan.

  
''Guys, please. Not today I'm tired.'' He whines and Stanley rolls his eyes while Beverly sighs.

  
''Richie you said that last time and we let you stay. Now you're coming.'' Stan peeks over Richie's shoulder to see that his apartment is a mess. There's clothes and food wrappers everywhere. Glasses strewn on the floor. Not only is it visible that Richie hasn't cleaned in ages, he can smell it too. It fucking reeks of junk food and cigarettes.

  
''C'mon Rich. Let's go.'' Beverly gives him an encouraging smile. He looks like shit and both her and Stan know exactly why.

  
Richie rubs his forehead with his thumb and index finger, sighing loudly. ''Guys, just fucking- let me be. Go on your own. I'll do it myself later.''

  
Stanley ignores him and pushes past the doorway forcefully. 

  
''No. Richie your place is a fucking mess! We're cleaning it while you take a shower. You stink.'' He picks up an empty glass and gags when he feels the stickiness of it. ''We'll go grocery shopping after.''

  
''Stan! Fuck off!'' Richie rips the glass away from him, placing it on the counter. ''Stop trying to make me do shit, okay?! I'm not in the fucking mood!''

  
''Richie!'' Beverly walks up to him with a worried expression. ''We just wanna make sure you're taking care of yourself.'' She reaches over to put a hand on his arm but he flinches away.

  
''Stop.'' He glares at her. ''Just stop fucking trying. Even I gave up a long time ago. It's time you do it too.'' He walks over the couch and plops down onto it, long limbs everywhere. Stanley and Beverly share a look. They're both worried about their friend and know to keep a close eye on him this time of year. It gets worse every time and Stanley honestly doesn't know what Richie might do. It scares the shit out of him.

  
He knows that Richie is tired and just wants to hide from the world right now. He gets it. To some extent at least. He also knows that Richie really has tried to get back up on his feet again. He has given it his best and it's understandable that he's feeling low.

  
Stanley just needs him to try for little bit longer. Just a teensy bit.

  
Until Eddie gets here tomorrow.

  
''Rich, I kno-'' He gets interrupted by his phone ringing and suddenly he remembers that Patty would be calling some time in the evening. He looks at Beverly wide eyed and she seems to understand and nods.

  
''I'll take care of him, you take care of that.'' She gives him little wink before walking over to Richie. Stanley walks into Richie's bathroom and locks the door.

He answers the phone and is greeted by a very tired sounding Patty.

  
''Hey, babe.'' Her voice is slightly muffled and slurred.

  
''Hey. How you are you guys doin' over there?''

  
''Heh uhm, Eddie has alcohol poisoning.''

  
Stanley almost chokes on his spit. He did NOT expect that.

  
''What?! Is he okay?!''

  
''Yeah he's- he's okay but he's not doing too good right now.'' She sighs through the other line.

  
''Well he isn't the only one. Richie's having a shit day too.'' He chuckles. ''Funny. Even apart they act the same. Although not in such a funny way.''

  
''I'm worried about him. Both of them now. Looks like I'm gonna have to work a little harder than expected to get him there too.''

  
''Are you going to be here in time for tomorrow or is he doing too bad to leave any time soon?

  
''No- we'll be there. It's pretty mild since I caught him early so it isn't that serious. He'll get to leave after he's had his stomach pumped and stayed here for a couple hours. It's gonna be a long night sure but we'll make it.''

  
Stanley winces at the mention of stomach pumping but manages to pull through. ''Okay. Good. I'm gonna go check on Richie now so call me later to give us an update, yeah?''

  
''I will. Bye! Love you.''

  
''Love you.''

  
He ends the call and steps back out of the bathroom. He sees Beverly holding a shaking and sobbing Richie in her arms while she's whispering something to him. Stanley hates seeing his friend like this. So broken that he doesn't even care that he's hurt or in pain. Completely given up on himself.

  
He knows Eddie would kill him for letting Richie get to this point but then again, he can't imagine Eddie's doing any better.

  
* * *

  
''Alright, buddy.'' Patty hands Eddie his stuff. ''The doctor said we could leave now.''

  
She's beyond exhausted and judging by the bags under his eyes, Eddie is too. They've been at the hospital for the entire day and Patty just wants to go to bed.

  
''Thank you.'' Eddie tries to give her a small smile but it just looks pained and sad. He wasn't feeling so peachy after the stomach pumping so he was a little drowsy so to speak.

  
He hadn't even been drinking THAT much. The doctor said that what made him sick was the pills he took with it.

  
And truth be told, he hadn't planned on taking any pills. He just wanted to get numb on alcohol. But at one point he had just gotten so drunk that he ended up taking the pills anyway.

  
They get ready to leave and Patty wraps an arm around his, mostly just for support but also to just be close.

  
She had been worried sick when the paramedics had arrived. They had been asking her questions only Eddie had the answers to and he had been so out of it at that point that he was useless to try and talk to.

  
They get outside of the hospital and Patty gets a taxi for them to get to Eddie's place. She doesn't think she's ever taken so many taxi's in one day ever but she's also too tired to start dragging a sick Eddie through the subway system.

  
The drive back to his place is quiet. No one says anything and both Patty and Eddie just look out the window the whole time.

  
Even when they're walking up the stairs to Eddie's apartment and Patty has to help him get up they only share a small thankful smile.

  
But they don't speak.

  
It's not until Patty is handing Eddie a cup of water while he lays in his bed that he speaks up.

  
''I'm sorry.'' His voice is small and weak since his throat is still sore from the procedure. He sips at his water and Patty smiles at him.

  
''Don't be, Eddie.'' She rests a hand on his thigh. ''We all have our bad days.''

  
It's quiet for moment.

  
''I didn't try and do what you think I tried to do, you know?'' She looks up at Eddie as he tells her this. ''I just wanted to be numb for a little bit. It wasn't supposed to go this far.''

  
''I know, hun.'' She strokes his thigh softly. ''I can't even imagine what you must feel like. Living here all alone. Which is why...'' She grabs her backpack from the foot of the bed and pulls out the two plane tickets for him and her. ''...You're coming to LA with me. My treat.''

  
Eddie stares at the tickets for a second before looking up at her with wide eyes.

  
''What?''

  
Patty laughs and hands him the tickets. ''We're going to LA. You and me.''

  
Eddie frowns down at the tickets.

  
''Patty I- I can't accept this-''

  
''Yes. Yes you can. And you will.'' She holds one of his hands in both of hers. ''C'mon, Eddie! I mean I already bought the tickets so it would just be going to waste if you didn't go!''

  
''Patty-'' He starts only to be at loss for words. He doesn't know what to say. 

  
_What the fuck DO you say when someone buys you tickets to LA?!_

  
''We leave tomorrow so once you're feeling strong enough, pack your bags.'' She stands up from the bed and picks up a t-shirt from the floor. ''Oh! And by the way? Pack enough for a while. We're going to be staying there for a quite a bit.''

  
''What do you mean? How long?'' Eddie's looking at her like she's insane. He has no fucking clue what's going on.

  
''I don't know, I don't have the return tickets yet.'' She laughs at Eddie's fearful face. ''Don't worry! We'll figure it out later! But you are staying there till at least after your birthday!''

  
''Wha- My BIRTHDAY?! That's not for another month and- and _HOW_ do you even know when my birthday is?! I've never told you before!''

  
_Well shit._

  
_QUICK! Think of something!_

  
''Uhhh I'm pretty sure you did.''

  
_Nice._

  
''Uhhh I'm pretty sure I _didn't_!''

  
Patty sets the t-shirt in the laundry basket before walking back over to Eddie, holding his head with her hands again, giving him a stern look.

  
''Eddie for the love of fuck. Just accept that you're going and relax. It'll be fine.''

  
Eddie looks at her with his big eyes that start to water and he chokes on a little sob, leaning into her touch. He closes his eyes and rests his own hand on top of hers to keep it close to his cheek.

  
''Thank you.'' He hiccups and Patty hugs him again. Holding him close while stroking his hair.

  
''You deserve it, honey.''

  
* * *

  
Meanwhile, back at Richie's place, Beverly and Stan have just gotten Richie to fall asleep after hours of him breaking down crying. Bev had even gone grocery shopping for him at one point while Stan did his best to clean his friends room.

  
They watch as Richie snores in his hazy sleep, tear tracks still evident on his cheeks and face blotchy and swollen from crying. They're glad he's finally getting some rest and they even made sure he had a little something to eat before they forced him to lay down on the couch. He had protested at first of course, but in the end exhaustion had won over.

  
''God, I hate it when he gets like this.'' Bev's voice is small and quiet and if not for the silence, Stanley probably wouldn't have heard her.

  
He sighs and looks at how Richie tightens his grip on the couch cushion he's hugging against his chest.

  
''It gets worse every year.'' He looks at her with a sad chuckle, ''which is the exact opposite of what usually happens.''

  
Beverly frowns and walks over to grab the glasses off of Richie's face.

  
''I guess that's just the sad part about being in love.'' She places the glasses on the small coffee table before stroking the hair back from Richie's clammy forehead. ''We never truly heal from the heartbreak it causes.''

  
Stanley looks at her sadly as she walks back over to him and hugs him from the side. He hugs back and rests his head on her head.

  
''He was never going to truly accept the fact that Eddie might be gone forever was he?''

  
Beverly smiles into Stan's shoulder.

  
''No. His love for that boy is the only thing he'll never let go of. Ever.

  
It's quiet for a moment. Both Losers just thinking about the past and the future. What will it hold? Will everything be okay again? Finally?

  
''Tomorrow.'' Stan starts, ''tomorrow he'll be back with us again.''

  
Beverly looks up at him with a teary smile.

  
''He'll be home.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed!!
> 
> Only two chapters left<3
> 
> Btw, I've been fixing some things in this while editing but if there's something that doesn't make sense feel free to tell me. I'll either fix it or explain it to you. I'm open for questions! <3<3<3


	10. But I swear you were there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Losers get ready for Patty to bring Eddie back. Patty helps Eddie get ready for LA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost over ahhhh!!!! Thank you for reading this story btw and I hope you enjoy this lovely chapter<3
> 
> Also I have no idea how stomach pumping works and I don't really know how the recovery feels so sorry if this is a little inaccurate.

_The wind is blowing through his hair, his mouth tucked into a grin as he speeds down the worn out dirt road._

  
_He feels free._

  
_Eight year old Eddie Kaspbrak laughs as he pedals past his best friend who in return picks up his own speed, trying to catch up._

  
_''EDDIE WAIT UP!'' Richie yells, voice high and frantic._

  
_Eddie ignores him and keeps going, enjoying the feeling of how his legs slightly ache from their usage and how his shirt is tight against his chest as the cool wind dances around his limbs, almost as if whispering for him to keep going._

  
_FASTER!_

  
_YOU CAN DO IT!_

  
_''EDS!'' Richie cries from somewhere far behind, still trying to catch up. His own dangly limbs and knobby knees not as strong as his friend's._

  
_Eddie doesn't slow down but he does look back to see Richie with his cheeks flushed and gasping for air as he tries to get to him._

  
_''Don't call me tha-'' His front wheel does a sudden turn and Eddie loses control over his bike, too slow now to react when he lands arm first into the ground. The gravel cutting through the skin on his palms and knees as he rolls on the road._

  
_There's a screech of wheels not far from him and it's not long before a pair of small arms are trying to pull him up into a sitting position._

  
_''EDDIE!'' Richie grabs him by the cheeks only to see that Eddie's crying._

  
_''Richie.'' His voice is shaky as he sobs his name. Richie can see the scratches and blood on his cheek and jaw so he makes sure not to touch them too much. Also, his arm is sticking in the wrong direction and the sight is bad enough to even make Richie squeamish._

  
_''It's okay.'' He lisps, the two front teeth on his upper row missing, leaving an adorable childish look to his features. Eddie tries to focus on his face and the light dusting of freckles on his nose and the magnified eyes that are boring into his._

  
_''It h-hurts.'' He sobs and tries to look down to where his arm is, wondering what's causing it to pulse with white hot pain. But instead of letting him start to panic about the arm, Richie keeps his face in his hands and makes sure he's looking at him._

  
_''Look at me, Eddie. Look at me, okay?'' His band-aid covered fingers wipe away the tears from Eddie's cheeks and he whimpers in return. ''I got you, Eddie Spaghetti.'' Richie smiles and Eddie wants to smile back but the pain is too much to bare already and he's having some difficulty focusing on anything else._

  
_''I don't wanna go to the hospital, Richie. Please don't tell my momma.'' He cries and Richie frowns, not sure on what to do. He wishes his own mom was here. She'd know what to do. She ALWAYS knows what to do. Richie's only eight! And it's scary seeing your best friend get hurt like this._

  
_''I'm sorry, Eddie. I don't know what to do.'' He can feel the back of his nose start to sting and he tries to tell himself to stay strong and not cry. He can't cry in front of Eddie. It'll only scare him more. ''I'm gonna go get my mom. My house isn't that far-''_

  
_''No! Don't leave me! Please!'' Eddie looks at him with pure fear in his eyes and he's having trouble breathing. ''I don't wanna be alone..''_

  
_Richie looks at him for a moment before slowly nodding and then he's hugging Eddie close to him, careful not to touch his injured arm. Eddie sniffs wetly and leans into him, the adrenaline slowly wearing off, making the pain worse and exhausting him to the point where his eyelids are getting heavy._

  
_''Okay. I won't go.''_

  
_Eddie hiccups once._

  
_''Promise?''_

  
_''Promise.''_

  
_Eddie closes his eyes and tries to focus on the way Richie's arms are wrapped around him, just holding him close and the feeling of safety it brings. He sighs shakily before snuggling even closer to his best friend._

  
_''Eddie?''_

  
_''Hm?''_

  
_Eddie.''_

  
_''What?''_

  
_''Eddie!''_

  
* * *

  
''Eddie!''

  
He gasps awake and sits up in his bed, looking towards the voice. He looks up to see Patty standing next to him with a hand on his shoulder.

  
''Huh?'' He rubs his face with his hands, trying to get through the still half asleep state he's in. He hears Patty chuckle before he feels something soft being thrown in his lap.

  
''Get ready. We have to leave soon.''

  
Eddie looks down at his lap to see a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He grabs them and stands up to go to the bathroom. He's almost there when suddenly there's a wave of nausea in his guts from standing up. He leans against the wall with a slight whimper and Patty walks up to him, placing a reassuring hand on his back.

  
''You okay?'' She rubs his back in a comforting motion and Eddie smiles at her shyly, not quite used to people caring.

  
''I'm okay.'' He accepts Patty's helping hand and they walk up to the bathroom together. ''Thank you.''

  
''No problem.'' Patty gives him a wide grin before turning around and walking over to the kitchen. Eddie stares at where she disappeared for a moment before opening the bathroom door and walking inside.

  
After he's brushed his teeth and taken a shower he walks back out in the outfit Patty gave him. He sees that she has prepared a small breakfast for them and is currently pouring tea into their mugs.

  
''What's this?'' He walks up closer and Patty looks at him with sparkly eyes and a warm smile.

  
''I made us breakfast.'' She grabs a plate with a sandwich on it to place on one side of the table. ''I'm having a sandwich and since you can't eat anything too solid yet...'' She grabs a bowl from the kitchen counter and places it on his side. ''..you'll have applesauce.''

  
''Where'd you get that from?'' He raises his eyebrows wondering since he's pretty sure he hasn't bought applesauce in like...forever.

  
''Oh, I bought it.'' She sits down opposite of him and Eddie follows suit.

  
''When'd you have time to do that?''

  
''There's a twenty four-seven gas station like two blocks from here. I went before you woke up.'' She bites into her sandwich and wiggles her eyebrows at him when he keeps staring.

  
''O-okay.'' He looks down and grabs the spoon, slowly sinking it into the sauce. He's not really in the mood to eat but he also doesn't want to tell Patty that her trip to the store was for nothing so he raises the spoon to his mouth slowly, licking the sweet and tangy mush. 

  
''You don't have to eat it, Eddie.'' Patty chuckles, looking at Eddie's disgusted face. ''You look like it's the worst thing you've ever had.''

  
Eddie huffs a small laugh before lowering the spoon into the bowl, shoulders tensing in on himself. ''Sorry.'' His voice is quiet and unsure.

  
''Hey.'' Patty reaches over to hold his hand, thumbing over his knuckles. ''It's okay, Eddie. I knew there was a chance you might not want to eat yet. I just got it in case you wanted to try.'' She gives him yet another warm smile.

  
''Okay.'' He whispers and looks up at her with sad puppy dog eyes. ''Thank you.'' Patty gives his hand a gentle squeeze in return and he smiles.

  
''Besides...I usually go on a walk in the mornings so I actually enjoyed the walk there.''

  
''Alright.'' He giggles and the sound tugs at Patty's heartstrings. Something about making someone who's feeling down laugh, warms her insides pleasantly.

  
''I'm finishing my sandwich though.'' She takes a huge bite and laughs with her mouth full when it makes Eddie laugh a little harder to the point where he holds a hand in front of his mouth.

  
* * *

  
''RICHIE!'' Stanley bangs on the door with his fist. He's been trying to get Richie ready for the day for the past two hours now and Richie has decided to lock himself in his room to escape him.

  
Yeah like that's going to keep Stanley away.

  
''GO AWAY!'' Richie yells from the other side and Stanley sighs and leans into the door with his forehead.

  
''You gotta take a shower, Rich.'' He places an arm on the door. ''We can't go out with you smelling like a trash bin c'mon.'' He pats the door gently with his hand before sliding it down back to his side.

  
He's only met with silence and just before he's about to bang on the door again, it opens up and he's met with Richie's frowning face.

  
''I'm not going.'' He tells him and Stan groans exasperatedly. Before Richie can close the door on him again, he fists the front of Richie's dirty t-shirt and starts dragging him away. ''Hey!''

  
''We're all going. That includes you.'' He stops in front of the bathroom and opens the door. ''And if you refuse to shower again I swear I'll wash you myself.''

  
''You're not my type and also, gross.'' Richie jokes but there's no humor behind it. It makes Stanley sad that even his classic jokes aren't the same witty ones anymore. He didn't ever think he'd miss Richie's dumbass teasing but here he is.

  
Richie notices him pause at the comment and furrows his eyebrows. ''What?''

  
''N-nothing.'' He sputters and looks up at his best friend with a determined look. ''Shower. Now.''

  
''UGHHHH. Why can't you just let me be?'' He looks at him pleadingly.

  
Stanley sighs. Usually he wouldn't make Richie do this when he was feeling like this. They'd never force him to be social and outgoing during his depressive episodes.

  
But god dammit! He's got to come now because they're getting Eddie back! They're finally getting him fucking back and Richie is refusing to take a shower. Not that HE knows they're getting him back but still.

  
''Just today Richie. I promise that I'll leave you be but you gotta come with us today. Please?''

  
Richie looks at him confused. ''Why? What's so important about today?''

  
_Oh you have no idea._

  
''Just- We need all The Losers today. I can't tell you why but I would really like it if you'd come. We all miss you and we've been planning this day for a while now.

  
_Seven years to be exact._

  
Richie looks at him for a minute, searching for any uncertainty. When he finds nothing but sincerity he sighs. ''You are so annoying...'' He looks into the bathroom for a moment before turning back to him. ''Fine. You win.''

  
''Thank you!'' Stan claps his hands together, bowing down slightly. Richie just rolls his eyes before walking into the bathroom, locking the door. Stan gives himself a pat on the back, proud of himself. He pulls out his phone, texting Bev that they're coming.

  
When Richie comes back out again he finds Stanley in the middle of going through his closet.

  
''What are you doing?'' He walks over to his bed, laying down and listening to Stan rummaging around.

  
''Trying to find something decent for you to wear.'' He ends up finding a hawaiian shirt that makes his eye bleed with the pattern and color. Perfect.

  
''Why the fuck do I have to wear something decent while you're wearing what you always wear.'' Richie lifts his head up as he hears Stanley approach him. He frowns when he sees the shirt he's holding. ''I'm not wearing that.''

  
Stanley sighs. ''Yes you are, Richie. And I always wear something decent which is why I don't look different. You on the other hand? Can't say the same.'' He throws the shirt on Richie's face and grabs a pair of black jeans to go with it. ''There. Get ready, we're leaving in thirty minutes.''

  
Richie sits up, grabbing the shirt off his face and places it down on his lap. ''I'm not fucking wearing that.''

  
Stan frowns at him before crossing his arms. ''Yes you are.''

  
''Get me something else. I'm not wearing this thing and it's not even decent so I don't get why I should wear it.'' Richie huffs before slumping down on to the bed again.

  
''Compared to what you were wearing before this, it's decent. Put it on so we can go.''

  
_Also it reminds me of the old you and I know that Eddie will like it._

  
Richie sighs shakily and tries not to cry.

  
_I'm not wearing the shirt Eddie got me. No way. I'm never wearing it. Ever._

  
''Stan please? Anything but that shirt.'' His voice is strained and Stanley frowns at him worriedly.

  
''Richie?'' He walks up to look at his friends face ans sees that his eyes are closed and he's breathing a little weirdly. ''Why won't you wear it? It's just a shirt.''

  
''It's not just a fucking shirt, Stanley!'' He sits up and Stanley stumbles back, nearly tripping over his feet.

  
''What?'' Stanley looks at him with a confused look.

  
'' _He_ gave it to me!'' He holds the shirt up to his chest as he huffs angrily at Stan.

  
''Who, Eddie?'' Stan knows very well that he means Eddie but the situation is making him frustrated. Richie inhales sharply at the name, looking at him with wide eyes.

  
''Please. I don't wanna wear it.'' Richie sniffs and Stanley nods.

  
''Okay. You don't have to wear it.'' He takes the shirt from Richie, setting it aside before taking Richie's hands in his. ''But it's okay for you to wear it, Rich. I know it hurts and sucks but it's okay. You don't have to hide it in your closet forever. You deserve to be happy and wear it without feeling like you're moving on. You can be happy and still miss him. Love him. We'd understand. We wouldn't question it.'' Stanley smiles.

  
Richie wipes his face on his bare shoulder before he looks at him with a small smile.

  
''You're not talking about just the shirt are you?'' He chuckles and Stan laughs back.

  
''No. I'm really not.'' He grins and watches as Richie grabs the shirt again, looking at it.

  
''Alright. Imma wear it.'' He smiles ad Stanley whoops.

  
''Atta' boy.''

  
* * *

  
''C'mon, Eddie! Hurry up you snail!'' Patty yells from where she's walking ahead of Eddie. They've just arrived at the airport and Patty seems to be in some kind of hurry to get through the security.

  
''I can't!'' He's pulling a giant suitcase behind him with a backpack on, trying to catch up. He's usually a fast walker but he's still feeling sore from yesterday so running or even just walking fast isn't happening.

  
Patty stops to wait for him and when he's close enough she offers her arm for him to latch on to.

  
''You okay?'' She asks him as soon as they start walking and Eddie nods. He doesn't usually really like when people feel sorry for him and continue asking him how he's doing. It just makes him feel weak and brings back the memories of his mom babying him all the time. But Patty's the first one to really care in such a long time that he doesn't care that she keeps asking and making sure he's okay.

  
They slowly make their way through security, Patty explaining how things work along the way to a very confused Eddie. It's the first time Eddie's been in an airport and everything is kind of overwhelming with hundreds of people rushing in and out. There's so many sounds and things happening that it stresses him the fuck out. He even has to go the restroom to breathe for a second while Patty waits outside worriedly.

  
They eventually make it to the place with all the stores and cafe's and Patty starts dragging him through them all. They go into one tax-free store and she starts picking out hundreds of different types of candy.

  
''We're gonna have these when we get there.'' She explains as she picks up a giant bag of sour patch kids. Eddie smiles at the brightly colored bag of candy.

  
_Those were always Richie's favorite._

  
''Tell me again, why don't we buy them in LA where it's cheaper? That bar of candy is literally four dollars.'' He points to Patty's armful of sweets.

  
''Ugh, Eddie. It's the experience! I always do this when I go back home from New York. I pick out me and my friends' favorite candy and then we eat them together at home.''

  
Eddie gulps at that. ''Your friends?'' He's not really sure he wants to meet any new people. At least not today.

  
''Oh! Yeah. You'll get to meet them too while we're there.'' They start moving towards the check outs and Eddie starts panicking a little bit.

  
''Are you sure? What if they don't like me? What if they hate me and think I'm an annoying little shit and then they stop hanging out with you because of me and- and it'll be my fault that you lost all your friends because I drove them away with how boring of a person I am and-''

  
''Eddie!'' Patty turns around to face him with a startled chuckle. ''Damn, you really are a motormouth aren't you? And trust me. They'll like you.'' She smirks.

  
Eddie shuts up and frowns. He's not really sure Patty gets just how annoyingly boring he is. Or how crazy when he gets used to people. ''Okay.''

  
Patty smiles before wrapping her free arm around his shoulders. ''Don't worry about it. I'll be there by your side the entire time.''

  
_That's a fucking lie. You'll want to be with anyone BUT me when we get there._

  
''I'll hold you to that.''

  
''Oh I bet you will.'' She laughs and moves on, next in line to pay for her stuff.

  
* * *

  
''Hey guys!'' Stanley waves at their friends from where they're standing a little bit ahead of them. Richie is behind him, walking slowly and lost in his own thoughts. His feet keep dragging on the ground and Stanley has to remind himself that he isn't feeling too good right now instead of being annoyed at him.

  
''HELLO!'' All The Losers yell in return, welcoming their two friends into the group. Stan notices Bev looking at him with a questionable stare and he nods. She had to leave them yesterday after Richie fell asleep and he knows she's been worried.

  
Stanley isn't quite sure what to do with himself as he usually stands with Patty and he isn't used to not having someone to hold onto while talking. Bev and Ben are standing next to each other with Ben's arm around Bev's waist. Bill and Audra are practically glued together as they laugh at something Ben says. Mike is standing next to Richie trying to chat to the lanky boy but Richie's too out of it to really hold up a conversation as chatty as Mike's. Mike doesn't seem to mind though, easily understanding that Richie's not really himself right now and he just adds Stanley into the conversation.

  
''Hey, Stan? What time is that restaurant thing again?'' He asks him with a smile.

  
''Like three hours from now?'' He holds a hand to his forehead, trying to stop the sunlight from absolutely murdering his eyesight.

  
''Wait, what restaurant thing?'' Richie joins into the conversation, having returned from his own world of thoughts.

  
''We have a table booked in that fancy new restaurant not far from where Stan lives.'' Bev speaks up from where she's leaning into Ben's chest.

  
Richie looks at all of them and frowns. ''Why didn't I know about it?''

  
''You haven't been in a very talkative mood lately, plus it was a surprise.'' Stanley smiles and Richie looks at him with raised brows.

  
''You booked a table at a fancy restaurant to surprise me? Like _me_ me?'' He asks him, not really buying it.

  
''Well we all wanted to try it and we also thought it would cheer you up? Getting some delicious food in you.'' Mike explains kindly.

  
''The way to a man's heart right?'' Richie chuckles humorlessly.

  
''We just missed you, buddy. That's all.'' Ben says in a soft voice and Beverly kisses him on the cheek.

  
''Mhm.'' Richie's voice is squeaky and he nods while fidgeting with his hands, not really sure what to do with himself.

  
''Should we do something to kill the time now?'' Stan speaks up and everyone agrees to go to the nearest mall.

  
It takes about thirty minutes to get to the giant mall and everyone excitedly rushes inside, ready to explore the stores they've been to hundreds of times. Bev and Mike want to go to the pet store so they all start walking the familiar way towards the small shop.

  
When they get there, Bev and Mike rush over to coo down at the guinea pigs, squealing when the small animals make squeaky noises. Bill and Audra are looking at the fish, chatting quietly to each other. Ben is completely mesmerized by the bugs and Stanley spots Richie standing in the back looking at turtles. He walks over to him and Richie looks at him briefly before turning back to watching the little turtles swimming about.

  
''Turtles, huh?'' Stan smiles when he sees Richie's lip twitch slightly.

  
''They're cool dudes.'' Richie bends down to get a closer look at the small sea creatures. He wriggles his fingers in a small wave when one of the turtles swim towards the glass. ''Hello.''

  
''Alright, enjoy your turtles, buddy.'' Stan pats him on the back before walking over to where Ben is trying to convince Audra and Bill that bugs are misunderstood and actually beautiful.

  
''No, Bill- you can't tell me that you don't think that tarantula is pretty.'' Ben points to a Mexican red kneed tarantula and Bill makes a disgusted face just to tease him. Audra's giggling at them before turning her attention to Stan and walking towards him. 

  
''Whatsup, Stan?'' She wraps her arms around one of his and smiles at him, her dark blue eyes sparkling while her fancily styled light brown hair bounces with her movements.

  
''Not much, Auds.'' He smiles and they both start absentmindedly walking down the toy aisle. ''What's on your mind?''

  
''I was thinking...'' She leans over to examine a pink squeaky dog toy before letting go of it and turning back to Stan with a smirk. ''..That we should get Eddie a little present?'' She bats her eyelashes at him dramatically, always the charismatic flirt. She really is meant for Bill.

  
''That's actually..not a bad idea.'' Stan hums impressed. Audra nods with a 'not bad' kind of look.

  
''Well I am quite the intelligent gal if I do say so myself.''

  
''Can't argue with that, miss.''

  
They manage to drag everyone to the gift shop after Bill stopping them at every other store to look at something stupid, Bev complaining that her feet hurt and Mike laughing loudly with Ben. Audra and Stan sigh fondly at their friends before stepping into the store.

  
Its full of different items and clothes, perfect for a possible gift. Again, everyone kind of just scatters around, digging through the items for their amusement. 

  
Beverly walks up to where Stan and Bill are looking at candles, smelling the different scents.

  
''So, what exactly are we doing here?'' She whispers to them and Stanley sets the pine tree candle back down and faces her.

  
''We're here to find a gift for Eddie.'' He whispers back to her and she grins wide before turning around to watch as Mike makes Richie laugh at something.

  
''We should let Richie decide.''

  
Bill makes a confused face.

  
''B-but he doesn't kno-know what it's for.'' He shares a look with Stan who just shakes his head at him with a fond smile. Beverly looks at Bill with a mischievous grin.

  
''Exactly.''

  
Stan rolls his eyes muttering a small 'fine' before walking towards another aisle. Bill stares at her for a minute before shaking his head and walking over to look at the mug display. Beverly smirks at her own idea before going her own way, ready to look for a possible.

  
It takes about 15 minutes before the friend group is gathered around in a circle with possible gift ideas and they ask Richie to choose from them.

  
''I'm so fucking confused. Why do I have to do this again?'' Richie looks at them all with a questionable glare and they all smile back.

  
''You have to pick one of these items.'' Ben explains and Richie sighs.

  
''Yeah, I got that. But why?''

  
''It's a gift.'' Beverly speaks up, ignoring the warning glare Stan is giving her. ''...for one of my coworkers. I can't choose so I'm asking you.''

  
Richie looks around their circle of friends.

  
''Why me?''

  
Beverly rolls her eyes, like it's obvious. ''Why not? Just pick one cuz I can't.''

  
''Fine! Uhhh..'' Richie looks at all the random items his friends have chosen. Bill is holding a mug with small paper boats on it. Stan has a picture frame while Ben has chosen a box of chocolates. Beverly and Audra are giggling while holding up two cringy matching couples t-shirts.

  
It's not until he lays eyes on Mike's item that he knows for sure what to choose. Mike is holding probably the ugliest plushie Richie has ever seen. He's not even quite sure what it is. It looks like a mix between a cow and a hyena and just looking at it is making his eyes tear up. It's similar to what a sock, filled with rocks would look like if it had limbs and eyes.

  
_That's the one._

  
''I choose Mike's item. It's the ugliest one.'' He points at Mike who whoops in return, waving the monstrosity around excitedly.

  
''You sure?'' Stanley asks him with an amused grin.

  
''A hundred percent.''

  
* * *

  
''You ready?'' Patty asks a nervous looking Eddie as they're getting comfortable in their seats. Eddie's sitting by the window with Patty's sitting next to him.

  
''No.'' Eddie looks at her wide eyed, fear evident in them. Patty chuckles and looks out the window.

  
''Eh, you will be. It's not that bad once we've been in the air for a couple minutes.'' Patty looks back at him and he nods. It's a very tense nod but a nod none the less.

  
''Okay.'' Eddie whispers and starts paying close attention to the flight attendants talking about safety. Patty just takes out a book for her to read, having heard the safety rules a million times.

  
It's not long before they're told to put their seat belts on and the plane starts moving. Eddie inhales sharply at the movement and grips onto the sides of his chair tightly. Patty smiles and grabs one of his hands, holding it and giving him a reassuring squeeze. Eddie gives her a small smile before continuing to look out the window frantically.

  
The plane starts the take off, speeding up and Patty sees Eddie scrunch his eyes shut as the plane slowly lifts up into the air.

  
''Here we go.'' She mutters and rests her head on his shoulder.

  
_Almost there._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I'm really making you guys wait for it hehe...They were initially going to be reunited in this chapter but I changed it last second. It was going to be too long so I split the chapter in two. Tomorrows chapter will still be a lot longer than these ones though.
> 
> I promise the wait will be worth it though!!!
> 
> I hope...
> 
> Also I love tarantulas and you can't change my mind. They are superior.


	11. For Evermore.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh guys it's officially over!! This has been a blast to write and sad too but everyone will be happy I promise!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me through yet another fanfic and if you decide to come back to read more I guess I'll see you soon? If not then I wish you the best comrade may you have a marvelous life!
> 
> Hope you enjoy<3

_The whole thing is like a scene from a movie._

  
Stanley is smiling wide while him and the rest of their friends drag a slightly less enthusiastic Richie along with them. They've been out and about for the entire day and now (unbeknownst to Richie) they're on their way to the airport.

  
''Stan where are we going? I'm starving and tired! I just wanna go home.'' Richie complains as they take their seats on the bus they just got onto.

  
''We're having dinner after this I promise.'' Stanley tells him and makes space for Ben to sit next to him. Richie is sitting with Bev as Bill and Audra sit behind them. Mike takes a seat on the row next to them.

  
''And then I get to go home?'' Richie rubs his face tiredly and waits for an answer.

  
''And then you get to go home.'' Stan repeats. ''We won't bother you again for a while. Just for today.''

  
''Thanks.'' Richie huffs sarcastically and leans back to look out the window. He watches the buildings rush by and the lights turn on as the evening nears. The sun is starting to set and Richie admires the colors it paints in the sky. Different shades of gold and amber, mixed with rich purples. He watches the cotton candy like clouds float up there and wishes his life could be as simple as theirs. Just to float in the sky, looking down at everyone else live their lives.

  
He'd finally have some peace.

  
Not that peace is what he wants. He wants adventure. He wants amazing stories to tell his closest friends. He wants action and love. But anything is better what he has now and he'll settle for peace.

  
He knows his adventures are behind him but maybe one day he'll be at peace. Maybe he won't be so sad anymore and moving on won't seem as impossible as it does today. He has his friends after all, and though it is not anywhere near what he needs or wants, it's better than nothing and he'll accept it.

  
One day.

  
But that day isn't today and right now he's exhausted and he just wants to go back home where he can cry out for the love of his life. Wishing he'd come back to him so he wouldn't be so lonely anymore. Because though he has his friends, no one will ever be what Eddie was (is) to him.

  
* * *

  
''C'mon, Eddie wake up. We're here.'' Patty shakes Eddie's shoulder gently and he jolts awake with tired eyes, looking around confused. Patty chuckles and hands him his backpack. ''We get to leave the plane now.''

  
Eddie looks up at her with a small nod before unbuckling his seat belt and strapping the backpack onto his shoulders. Patty grabs her own bag and then they wait for their row to be called.

  
It takes about ten minutes but finally they're able to leave and Patty holds a very tired Eddie by the arm and leads him the way towards their next stop. Eddie's wincing slightly with every step and when Patty asks him what's wrong he just says that the flight made his stomach ache slightly worse. Patty figures it's normal since it was kind of a bumpy flight, full of air pockets on the way. She'd be feeling sick too after already having her stomach pumped the night before.

  
She figures they have time and tells Eddie to sit down for a moment. He doesn't complain and she sits down next to him with a hand on his knee. While Eddie's having a moment, she decides to take her phone from her backpack and checks to see if Stan or the others have left any messages. She opens the chat with Stan.

  
_**Babylove: Almost there ;)** _

  
She smiles. The text is pretty recent so she figures they must be here any minute now. Just as she's about to put the phone away and ask Eddie if he's ready to go, there's a new text.

  
_**Babylove: We're here! You?** _

  
Patty grins and quickly texts a response.

  
_Lady bird <3: Just got off the plane, be there in 10!!!! I'm so excited!_

  
She finally sets the phone down and Eddie looks up at her from where he had, had his face buried in his hands.

  
''I'm good to go now.''

  
''Great!'' Patty grins maybe a little too eagerly than you normally would. Eddie doesn't seem to give it a second thought, though and only smiles back before standing up. Patty gestures for him to follow and off they go again.

  
The Losers decided to meet them up at first floor, near the waiting area, instead of the usual baggage claim since they wanted a more quiet environment to have their reunion in. So Patty is pretty much vibrating with sheer bliss when they get their luggage and Eddie notices it.

  
''What's up with you?'' He smiles amused. Patty stops bouncing on her heels and instead grabs Eddie's hand and starts dragging him down the halls. Before they get to the doors that leave out to the rest of the airport, she stops them and sets her backpack down.

  
_And now for the next step..._

  
Before Eddie can ask, she pulls out a bandana and closes the backpack again. She looks up at Eddie and is met with a confused stare.

  
''I know this is gonna seem weird but you're just gonna have to trust me, okay?'' She waits for Eddie to nod and continues once he does, albeit confusedly. ''I have another surprise for you but you can't see it just yet.'' She gestures to the red bandana in her hand. ''Which is why I have to blind fold you.'' She smiles apologetically.

  
''You have another surprise?'' Eddie looks at her with a frown but lets her tie the fabric around his head regardless. He has no idea what Patty could possibly want to surprise him with anymore. And at an airport of all things.

  
''Yes and it's close but we do have to walk for a bit so just hold onto me. I'll guide you.'' She pulls out her phone again, sending a quick message to Stan before grabbing Eddie's arm and guiding them through the doors.

  
* * *

  
_Lady Bird <3: We're here get ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

  
Stanley's hands are shaking as he puts his phone away. Beverly looks at him and once he nods, she gasps slightly before looking at Ben with wide eyes. Ben just smiles back and hugs her. Bill and Mike are smiling wide while Audra has a soft smirk on her face from where she's standing with Richie.

  
Stanley's stomach is filled with butterflies and his heart is racing. 

  
_It's time for the final step of the plan._

  
Stan grabs a confused Richie by the shoulders and turns him so his back is against the people coming out of the gates. Everyone kind of gathers around them and when Richie turns to look, Stan just grabs his face instead, forcing him to look at him.

  
''Stan, wha-''

  
''I lied.'' Richie looks at him with furrowed eyebrows and a look that says 'please elaborate'. ''We are going to the restaurant but that's not the surprise I told you about.''

  
''Then what is it Stan? And why the fuck are we at an airport?! I'm so confused!''

  
''We're here to get Patty. She has the surprise.'' They can hear Beverly burst into sobs and Stan knows that Richie's dying to turn around.

  
''Why is Patty getting a surprise from an airport?'' Richie asks him and Stan groans.

  
''Not _from_ the airport. She flew out to get it, dummy.'' He struggles to keep a sob down when he catches a glimpse from behind Richie.

  
''Stan- let me go.'' Stan ignores him and hugs him tight before whispering something in his ears.

  
''Surprise.'' And with that he turns him around towards-

  
* * *

  
''Eddie?'' Patty grins and looks at a blindfolded Eddie who in return turns towards her.

  
''What?'' He asks with a small smile, completely oblivious to what's about to happen.

  
''You ready for your surprise?'' She shakes him excitedly and Eddie giggles. She looks ahead of them to see The Losers, completely losing their shit and struggling to keep themselves from crying Eddie's name out. She can see Richie with his back turned towards them and she waits for the signal.

  
''Pattyyy! What's going on?'' Eddie whines impatiently, anxiety starting to take over from being blindfolded in a public place.

  
''Just a second..'' Patty mumbles and keeps waiting. She can see Beverly struggling to keep herself upright and the others don't seem to be doing much better. Audra's the only one not bawling her eyes out but even she seems to be shaking a little bit. 

  
''Waaait...'' Patty slowly reaches up to the blindfold ready to take it off. Eddie's fidgeting with his fingers and then it happens! The signal!

  
Patty sees Stan turn Richie around and she immediately pulls the blindfold off of Eddie, yelling ''Happy Birthday!''

  
Eddie frowns at the sudden bright light and it takes a second for him to adjust. He doesn't even notice what's going on in front of them and looks at Patty. Patty just grins and points towards the others.

  
_This is the moment._

  
* * *

  
Eddie looks at where Patty's pointing and drops his suitcase. His eyes widen and he feels tears spring into his eyes.

  
There in front of him...

  
Are The Losers.

  
_Is Richie._

  
He makes eye contact with him. The person he's been only dreaming of for the past 7 years. He's there. Right in fucking front of him!!!!

  
''Richie-'' He whimpers.

  
Eddie sees Richie gasp and mouth his name before he hastily shoves Bill and Mike out of the way. He stops then and Eddie can't take it anymore.

  
''RICHIE!'' He sobs and starts running towards the love of his life. He watches as Richie chokes on a sob and bolts it towards him. Eddie's sobbing and crying his name over and over again. His stomach is screaming at him to stop but his heart is making him run. He runs faster than he ever has and he can see Richie do the same.

  
He nearly trips on the way but he's so close. So fucking close! And before he knows it, they're crashing into each other, both crying each other's names while Richie spins them around. They fall on the floor together, clinging to each other like their lives depend on it.

  
In a way it kind of does. They've been miserable without the other for so long that finally having them in their arms is like a breath of fresh air after drowning for 7 years. 

  
Eddie's crying so hard, he can barely inhale enough air when he breathes, all of his sobs coming out choked and strangled while he holds onto his love, clawing at his back in a desperate way to just get him closer, closer, CLOSER!!

  
''Richie!'' He cries and Richie holds him tighter. Richie has a hand in his hair, pressing his head into his throat. The other hand is on Eddie's back, holding him close to his chest as he wails from the amount of emotions his heart feels in the moment.

  
The other Losers are gathered around them, trying to give them their own moment but also desperate to be close to their lost friend again.

  
''Eds-'' Richie pulls his hair gently to get him to lean back and Eddie cries harder when he sees his face. He's so beautiful and amazing and he's here! He looks so different yet he's the same! Eddie sniffs loudly when Richie cups his face with both of his hands and surges forward.

  
And god...

  
Eddie has waited for this moment for so long and he still isn't prepared for how it would feel like.

  
Richie presses his lips against his. It hard and messy, their faces covered in tears and snot but Eddie doesn't give a fuck. It's perfect. He whimpers into Richie's mouth before kissing back just as eagerly. Both boys are crying into it so the kiss doesn't last as long as they wished it could, Eddie having to lean back to catch his breath because he's crying so hard. 

  
That doesn't stop Richie though. As soon as Eddie leans back with a pained whine, Richie starts peppering his face with kisses. He kisses him all over and it makes Eddie giggle while he holds onto Richie's head. 

  
The taller boy eventually stops, only to hug him again, his body wrapping around Eddie's while he sobs and mutters a string of 'ImissedyouImissedyouImissedyouImissedyou-'.

  
The position allows Eddie to finally make contact with his other friends, who are all crying and waiting for him to notice them. He makes eye contact with Beverly first and sobs again.

  
''Beverly-'' His voice is strained and broken from all the crying and he lifts one of his arms up from where they're holding Richie towards her and she lunges at him with a wail, nearly knocking the boys over.

  
''Eddiekins!'' She cries and the other Losers take that as their sign to join them in one big group hug. They all pile up on the floor, with Eddie and Richie in the middle. All of them crying and all of them screaming out some form of 'I missed you'.

  
Patty and Audra are standing on the side and Audra is filming the moment of the friends being reunited with each other. Patty is watching them all with a fond smile as she wipes a tear from her face. Audra looks at her with a teary smile and they both lean their foreheads together while laughing breathlessly.

  
''We did it.'' Patty sighs happily.

  
''They're back together again.'' Audra chuckles.

  
* * *

  
They eventually move a little bit to the side and Richie drags Eddie onto the row of chairs by a window, holding the smaller boy against his chest while their friends surround them. Eddie's holding Richie's waist tightly and smiling every time Richie presses a kiss to his head.

  
''I can't believe you're finally here.'' Stan smiles and rests a hand on Eddie's shoulder, one of the only spots that aren't completely wrapped up in Richie's limbs.

  
Eddie smiles at him with shiny eyes. The tear tracks have already dried on his cheeks and he is't crying anymore, only sniffling wetly every once in a while.

  
''I can't believe you guys looked for me, much less found me.'' He smiles with a slightly wobbly lip, not quite believing this is happening.

  
_This better not be a dream!_

  
The statement makes Richie tense up and bury his face into Eddie's hair. The gesture makes Eddie look up at him with worry but Richie just smiles, albeit a bit sadly before kissing him on the forehead. Eddie closes his eyes before snuggling his face closer to Richie's chest.

  
He doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks and you bet your ass he's going to rock the PDA forever now. 

  
This is the love of his life that he hasn't seen for 7 years we're talking about! Of course he's gonna cling to him like a koala and never let go!

  
Eddie thinks that you would have to physically pull him away from Richie because there is no way in hell he's letting him go anytime soon.

  
''Of course we'd look for you, Kaspbrak.'' Mike smiles. ''You're one of us and we've missed you so much, buddy.''

  
Eddie just nods, not able to speak without crying again and Richie starts stroking his hair in a comforting motion. He hasn't really talked since this whole thing started, except for some sweet nothings into Eddie's ear occasionally. 

  
Eddie knows he's overwhelmed and is waiting for them to have a moment alone before talking about the serious stuff. Right now he's taken to just hold Eddie and make sure he's safe and warm.

  
Eddie loves every bit of it.

  
''Guys.'' The new girl, Audra, whom Eddie hasn't met before speaks up while pointing at her wrist watch. ''We have a restaurant to get to. What do you say we get out of this airport and have some food?'' She smiles softly at them.

  
''A restaurant?'' Eddie looks at everyone with questioning eyes. Everyone looks at him with hopeful smiles, meanwhile Richie's completely in his own world, smiling to himself as he sniffs Eddie's hair, happy to find that his locks still smell of that delicious strawberry shampoo that he's used ever since they were teens.

  
''We booked a table at this fancy new restaurant as a little welcome home, early birthday gift for you.'' Bev grins happily and Eddie smiles back.

  
He's not so sure if he's in the mood to eat a big ass meal yet but he'll gladly celebrate with his friends and love.

  
_Maybe even boyfriend?_

  
''Really?'' Eddie's so happy. He doesn't think the shock of being back with his true family has disappeared yet and he knows he's going to have emotional meltdowns over it later. 

  
This time they'll just be out of happy and overwhelmed emotions, instead of sad and miserable ones.

  
* * *

  
They make it to the restaurant after a while, only slightly late but they luckily manage to still get in.

  
Patty's going to come a little later, she's currently taking hers and Eddie's luggage to Stan's apartment before she'll come back.

  
They take the bus there and everyone's asking Eddie questions and telling him about certain things in LA as they pass them on the bus. Eddie listens and answers to it all with a fond smile, eager to talk to his friends again.

  
Richie, on the other hand? Richie hasn't let go of him once since they got back together. The most 'apart' they've been was when they we're getting on the bus and could only hold each other's hands. They had of course immediately clung back together when they could, hugging each other close with content smiles on their face.

  
Richie didn't talk much on the way there. He was happy to just let Eddie babble on while he stared at his beautiful face. He knew that as soon as they got to have some alone time, he'd talk Eddie's ears off with how much he loves him and missed him.

  
They'll share a couple of words every now and then but it's mostly cuddles and kisses. They haven't kissed properly again since the one in the airport. Richie's waiting to do that again when they're alone. Eddie's more than happy to wait, satisfied with the cheek and nose kisses for now.

  
But yeah. They get into the restaurant and the waitress walks them over to their table. It's a round table with 9 seats and everyone starts fighting over them.

  
Whilst the others laugh and low key yell at each other over the seating arrangement, Richie pulls Eddie to one part of the table before pulling one of the seats out for Eddie to sit down on.

  
''Such a gentleman.'' Eddie grins widely and Richie chuckles softly in return.

  
''Anything for you, Spaghetti.'' Richie kisses him on the temple before dragging the seat next to him as close to him as possible before sitting down. He wraps an arm around his shoulder and leans in close so that their noses are touching.

  
''You know I would say don't call me that but I quite frankly don't care anymore. I always loved all of your nicknames and I'm pretty sure I never want to hear you calling me anything else ever again.'' Eddie whispers while looking into Richie's magnified eyes. They're still the same dark grey with brown specks and Eddie loves them. Loves him.

  
Richie sighs shakily and deciding he can't take it anymore, leans in for a quick peck on the lips. It's a lot softer than the first one and doesn't taste like tears. This time it's sweet and slow and Richie can taste the vanilla from Eddie's lip balm.

  
They separate when they hear someone cough and look up to see everyone staring at them with raised eyebrows and smug smirks.

  
''Uhm-'' Eddie looks at them all before hiding his face in Richie's neck as a blush creeps up to his cheeks.

  
Everyone laughs before going to see what's on the menu. Richie picks his own menu up to hold it in front of their faces and nudges for Eddie to look at him. The two boys stare at each other behind the safety of the menu folder.

  
''You okay?'' Richie asks Eddie as he holds his chin gently. Eddie stares at him with wide eyes and just as he opens his mouth to answer, a voice booms from close to them.

  
''I'm back!'' Patty sits down with an out of breath huff next to Stan. She looks around at them with a smile before doing a double take on Stan's menu and pulling it out of his hands.

  
Stan doesn't even bat an eye and just looks at it with Patty instead.

  
The waitress eventually comes back and starts taking everyone's orders. They go one by one around the table and when it finally comes to Eddie, he frowns a little while looking at the menu with a frustrated hum.

  
''Eddie, it's okay if you're not ready to eat yet.'' Patty smiles at him understandingly. Everyone looks at her confused except for Stan who makes a small 'oh' sound as he remembers what Patty told him on the phone.

  
Eddie ends up just asking for a glass of water and then the waitress leaves. It takes about .2 seconds before the questions come.

  
''What happened?''

  
''Are you okay?''

  
''What do you mean not ready to eat?''

  
''Eds?''

  
Eddie looks at Richie and it's not long before tears gather in his eyes.

  
''I-''

  
Patty decides to make it easier for him.

  
''He's fine now, guys. We had some issues back in New York but it's all sorted out now and he'll be okay in no time.'' She smiles.

  
''What's going on?'' Richie speaks up properly for the first time and Patty looks at Eddie, asking a silent question. 

  
Eddie nods.

  
''He- He had his stomach pumped.'' Patty answers. Everyone looks at her before turning to Eddie in shock.

  
Richie looks at him with wide and teary eyes.

  
''What?'' He asks him with a small disbelieving tone.

  
''I- I had...alcohol poisoning.'' He doesn't have to say anything else before Richie let's out a whimper and hugs him. He hugs back with a small sob and everyone looks at the pair with sad eyes.

  
''It's been-'' _sniff_ , ''a really'' _another sniff_ , ''hard week.'' Eddie hiccups into Richie's shoulder and the other boy tightens his grip on him.

  
'' I can't even imagine, Eddie.'' Ben says sadly. Everyone makes a noise of agreement. It must've been torture to be alone all these years. No matter how many friends you make. Even Richie was lonely and he had all of them. But that's nothing compared to what Eddie must've gone through.

  
Eddie looks up from Richie's embrace and sniffles wetly, tears staining his cheeks.

  
''I missed you guys so much.'' He whimpers and everyone gets up from their seats to go hug him again. Eddie let's out a sigh of relief with the feeling of all his loved ones around him. The Losers. Richie. Even Patty and Audra.

  
''We missed you!'' They all say at the same time Richie says, ''I missed you so fucking much, Eds.''

  
They all hug each other for a while before Bill speaks up.

  
''D-do you wan't a gi-gift?'' His voice has a teasing tone to it.

  
''Another one?'' Eddie giggles and then the others are laughing too while going back to their seats.

  
Richie's smiling at them all before it drops when he sees Stan pull out a familiar gift bag.

  
''No, Stan, stop!'' Richie goes to grab it but Stanley holds it away from him with a smirk. ''Stanley, no!''

  
''Now this is something Richie chose for you when we were out today.'' Stan hands Eddie the bag and Eddie looks at them all with an amused smile.

  
''You told me it was for one of Bev's coworkers!'' Richie whines and looks at Eddie apologetically. ''Eds, I didn't know, I-''

  
Eddie shakes his head with a smile before shoving a hand down in the bag. He pulls a card up first. It's just a simple 'Welcome to LA' card and he opens it to see The Losers' names on it with a small note in Stan's handwriting that says, 'Welcome home, Eddie!'.

  
''Aww, thanks, guys!'' Eddie chuckles before setting the card down on the table. He then puts his hand back in the bag and looks at Richie with a grin.

  
''Wonder what you cho-'' He pulls the soft item up to reveal probably the ugliest plushy he's ever seen. ''Oh..what even is that?'' He giggles and looks at everyone with a confused smile.

  
''I don't know. Ask Richie.'' Bev smirks and Richie groans.

  
''Stop. I don't know either, okay?! It was just a stupid-''

  
''I love it!'' Eddie exclaims with a wide grin, dimples evident in his cheeks and Richie feels his heart go a million miles an hour on the sight. And his pants are suddenly uncomfortable too-

  
_*cough cough*_

  
''Wha- really?'' Richie chokes a little bit when Eddie nods enthusiastically.

  
''It's so cute! I love it, thank you, Rich!'' Eddie kisses him on the cheek before placing the plushy on the table.

  
''You're welcome.'' Richie's looking at him with his mouth agape, low key lost in the brunette's eyes.

  
Eddie stares at him for a moment as well, meanwhile Beverly leans over to Stan's ear.

  
''They're gonna have the absolute _worst_ honeymoon phase.'' She whispers, making Stan snort before turning towards her.

  
''At this point it won't even be a phase anymore.'' He whispers back and Beverly huffs a laugh before leaning back to continue her conversation with Ben. Stanley turns back to look at the two newly reunited lovers and can't help the small smile that tucks his lips.

  
Richie's whispering something to Eddie with a smile and whatever he says, causes Eddie to giggle and shove him away gently. Richie's laughing too before he leans over to kiss Eddie on the cheek for probably the 1000th time today.

  
Stan knows that it's going to take time before things are where they should be but now he can finally go to sleep, knowing that everyone's happy.

  
* * *

  
''This is us.'' Stanley opens the door to his apartment with a smile while the others follow behind him.

  
Well, now it's only him, Patty, Eddie and Richie. The others had parted ways with them at the restaurant, as it was getting late and Stan didn't have room for everyone to stay over. The 'goodbyes' had taken about twenty minutes because none of their friends wanted to leave Eddie.

  
Yes, there had been crying again.

  
But they eventually did leave and Eddie had cried for nearly the whole way back to the apartment, the day finally catching up to him. Richie had of course come with them since Stanley knew there was no point in even trying to get Richie and Eddie to part again. As the matter of fact, Stan didn't even dare think what that would've been like.

  
''Wow.'' Eddie looks around mesmerized by how nicely kept the place is. ''This is so much nicer than my place back in New York.'' He drags a finger across the bookshelf, marveling at all the old books.

  
''Well you get to have a nice place just like this when we get you situated here in sunny LA.'' Patty smiles and takes her shoes off.

  
Eddie smiles at her wide before turning to Richie with the same smile. Richie boops him on the nose and Eddie rolls his eyes fondly before continuing his tour of the house, Richie of course, following close behind.

  
Stan gives Patty a kiss before following the boys into the living room where Richie is currently telling Eddie the story behind one of the pictures on the wall.

  
''Do you guys want some chamomile tea or are you going to bed?'' Stanley sets the keys down on the kitchen counter and looks at his friends.

  
''I'll have some, please.'' Eddie walks over to the small kitchen table as Stan pours some water into the kettle. Patty walks in and starts taking the supplies out for the tea.

  
''Sugar?'' She asks Eddie who nods in return.

  
''Two spoons.'' He smiles before looking up at Richie who's standing behind his chair. ''What are you doing, Chee?'' He asks him softly, only meant for Richie to hear (it doesn't work as both Patty and Stan smile to themselves at the cuteness).

  
Richie leans down and taps him on the hip. ''Get up.'' If it wasn't for the soft tone, Eddie would've probably doubted his intentions but he gets up and watches as Richie sits down on the chair. Before he can comment on the gesture, Richie's pulling him down to sit in his lap. Eddie immediately melts into him and lets Richie hold him close with a hand resting on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

  
Patty and Stan finish making the tea and the two pairs fall into an easy late night conversation, mostly just talking about the apartment they're in and how good the tea is. Just tired small talk.

  
It's not until one point where Richie makes a move to stand and Eddie takes the hint to get his ass up. Richie stands up with his hands on Eddie's waist before making sure Eddie sits down again. He clears his throat and looks at Stan.

  
''Can we talk?'' He nods towards the hallway and Stan nods before getting up as well. They go to leave but not before Richie holds Eddie's hand and kisses his knuckles while slowly walking away, their fingertips slipping from each other's grip.

  
* * *

  
Richie closes the bedroom door behind them and Stan's about to ask what's up but gets interrupted by his friend hugging him.

  
''Thankyouthankyouthankyou-'' Richie's shoulders are shaking and Stanley's shirt is getting soaked in his tears.

  
''You should really thank Patty, Rich.'' Stan strokes his back calmly. ''She's the one who found him.''

  
''I will, I will, I promise.'' Richie sobs. He can't believe he has his Eddie back. Especially on the day where he thought he was never getting his own happy ending. Eddie's fucking here and he can't fucking believe it!

  
He gets to hold him and kiss him again and again and again.

  
''We all missed him so much, Rich. And I know it's been tough on you but you've been through enough. You get to just be happy now.'' Stanley looks at him with a teary smile before wiping the tears off of Richie's cheeks.

  
''Yeah.'' He hiccups. He knows very well that his life has been shit for the past 7 years. I mean, go to his apartment. It's proof that he hasn't properly been all there.

  
He knows Stan has a point in that he deserves happiness. Maybe he does. It's hard to accept it, though, after many years of being sad and in pain. Sometimes even on purpose because feeling good didn't feel right.

  
But if there is one person that deserves happiness, it's Eddie. 100%, no argument there. Eddie deserves the whole fucking world for all the pain it has put him through. 

  
Eddie deserves a happy ending and it seems that the doe-eyed boy's happiness involves Richie.

  
And Richie's more than happy to be that for him.

  
''Love you, Stanley the manley.'' Richie chuckles when the name causes Stan to tense up.

  
''You haven't called me that in years.'' Stan looks at him like he's about to burst into another set of tears at the nickname he used to despise with every fiber of his being.

  
''I guess love does that to a man.'' Richie sighs dramatically and Stan groans.

  
''I both love and hate the fact that you're being yourself again.'' Stan tries to seem annoyed but his eyes and smile give him away.

  
''I think you love it more than hate it, Urine.'' Richie smirks. It looks weird to see a smug face that has tears running down it's face.

  
Stan groans again but he's right.

  
He loves it more than hates it.

  
* * *

  
Eddie looks at where Stan and Richie just left and hears Patty clear her throat. He looks at her with a smile.

  
He hasn't smiled this much in one day for years.

  
''So?'' Patty grins at him with a toothy smile. ''You like your birthday surprise?''

  
Eddie stares at her for a long moment before he chokes on a sob and surges forward to hug her.

  
''This was the best birthday present I've ever gotten! Thank you, thank you thank you!'' He sobs into her hair and Patty chuckles.

  
''You deserve it, buddy.'' She smiles warmly and Eddie pulls away.

  
''H-how? How did you- We had the same friends this entire time!'' Eddie cries and Patty laughs.

  
''Sometimes I can't believe it either to be honest. I just remember Stan telling about you and that's when it clicked.'' Patty wipes the tears from under his eyes gently. ''We were talking about the same Eddie the whole time.''

  
Eddie cries and hugs her again.

  
''I'm so happy I found you and that you decided to come get me! I honestly don't know what would've happened if you didn't.'' He hiccups.

  
''Don't worry about that, okay? You're here and of course I came to get you. You get to be happy now. Enjoy it, love.''

  
Eddie nods and rubs at his eye. Patty rests her hands on his knees while they wait for the others to join them.

  
They come back about 5 minutes later, both of their eyes red and raw and Richie rushes over to Eddie when he notices he's been crying too.

  
''Eds?! You okay? Don't cry, why are you crying?'' He holds his face and Eddie just smiles up at him while resting his own hands on top of his.

  
''They're happy tears, Rich. I'm crying for probably the same reason you're crying.''

  
Richie nods before kissing him on the eyelid. They sit down into the previous way they were sat and drink the rest of their tea.

  
* * *

  
''Alright, good night you two.'' Patty whispers from the hallway with Stan by her side before turning off the lights and walking away.

  
''Night.'' Eddie sighs before turning towards Richie who's already looking at him with a small smile.

  
''Hi.'' He breathes and scooches closer. They're both laying on Stan's sofa-bed in the living room and Eddie doesn't think he's been this comfortable in a while.

  
''Hey, you.'' Richie holds a hand up to rest on Eddie's cheek, softly stroking his thumb above his cheekbone. Eddie closes his eyes and sighs shakily before looking up at Richie with a soft expression.

  
''You were right.'' He tells him and Richie looks at him with a strangely fond yet confused look.

  
''When you kissed me.'' Eddie drags himself even closer and puts his own hand on Richie's cheek. ''I could see stars when you kissed me.''

  
It takes a small moment before Richie gets it and when he does, tears gather in his eyes.

  
''I love you.'' He sniffs and Eddie giggles wetly before leaning in to kiss him. It's gentle and longing. Richie's responds immediately and kisses back like kissing is the new breathing. They're finally alone so the kiss lasts longer than the others have. They're not going anywhere in particular with it; just enjoying each other, not expecting anything else from today.

  
They finally have time to just be.

  
Be together. Be happy.

  
The kiss ends suddenly when Richie sobs into it and Eddie huffs a wet laugh. He pushes those wild dark curls away from Richie's forehead before leaning in to touch it with his own.

  
''I love you too.'' His voice is absolutely shredded from all the crying he's done today but it's finally from pure bliss and happiness.

  
All of a sudden there's an uncomfortable tug in his guts and Eddie winces slightly, making Richie worriedly look him over.

  
''Are you okay? He frets and Eddie nods.

  
''Yeah, I'm okay. I think my stomach is just getting used to having something in it's system again.'' Eddie smiles but Richie frowns.

  
''What happened, Eds? Really?'' He looks at him with pleading eyes, desperate to know more about Eddie's life from when they were apart.

  
Eddie looks down for a minute, contemplating how to say it in the gentlest way possible. He decides that there's no need to beat around the bush since Richie deserves nothing but the truth. No matter how scary it is.

  
''I had a really back breakdown the day Patty left. It had been building up and I finally broke when I was all alone again.'' He feels Richie wipe the tears from his face and he smiles in return. ''When Patty came back. I was barely conscious from all the alcohol and prescription pills I had taken so she called the ambulance.''

  
Richie inhales sharply at the last part and hugs Eddie close as he falls into a small fit of sobs.

  
''Eds-''

  
''I was so lonely, Chee. I missed you guys everyday. I missed _you_ everyday and sometimes it was almost too much to bare.'' He cries and sticks his face into the crook of Richie neck.

  
''Shh, baby. We're together now. I'm never leaving your side ever again. No Sonia Kaspbrak or anything can stop me because I was so fucking lonely without you too, Eds. And I still had The Losers so I can't even- I can't imagine what it must've been like for you.'' Richie holds him closer as they both cry in each other's arms. ''You know, I once tried so hard to ease the pain that I overdosed and the others had to rush me to a hospital and after I got better I had to go to rehab for a couple months.''

  
Eddie leans back with a shocked gasp and looks at Richie with wide eyes. He grabs his face making Richie look at him through teary eyes.

  
''If I ever had to find out I lost you like that for real.'' Eddie squeezes his eyes shut. ''I wouldn't be able to handle it, Rich. Don't ever even think about leaving this world before me.''

  
''I won't, I promise. But you can't leave before me either. We leave together because I will never go a day without you again. I can't lose you. I won't go through that again.'' He kisses Eddie on the forehead. ''Don't leave me.''

  
_''Please, Eds. Don't leave me, please!''_

  
Eddie nods without hesitation. ''I'm never letting go of you, Chee. Ever. You're stuck with me now.''

  
Richie chuckles but it's cut short by Eddie kissing him again. He pulls back before Richie can even respond and he whines at the loss.

  
''You know what got me through all those times I wanted to give up?'' Eddie looks at him.

  
''What?''

  
''You.'' Eddie starts with a wide smile. '' Your voice gave me hope. Every time I tried to do something stupid your voice would scream at me to stop. You saved me so many times and you didn't even know it.''

  
Richie had started actively sobbing again about half way through the confession.

  
''I'm sorry.'' He whimpers. ''I'm sorry I gave up on myself and by that, also gave up on you. I've never been as strong and brave as you. It's one of the many many reasons I love you. Although I don't even really need a reason to love you at this point anymore. It's just simply a fact. A part of me.''

  
This time Eddie hugs him close and starts combing his fingers through his unruly curls.

  
''You're brave too, Richie. You're the reason I was brave in the first place. Like I said, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. We both coped in our own way and that's nothing to be sorry for.'' He kisses his ear. ''I love you unconditionally and I'll never stop. It's simply just a fact for me too. Loving you is easier than breathing.''

  
''Now I'm glad you don't actually have asthma.'' Richie jokes sadly and Eddie laughs before pulling back. ''But I feel the same way. I think we were meant to love each other. From the beginning to the end of times.''

  
Eddie smiles at him, completely awestruck.

  
''You're lucky I missed you so much cuz I would absolutely call you out on the sappiness otherwise.'' Richie laughs at that and pulls him over again for him to rest his head on his chest.

  
''It's too late for that. We surpassed sappiness the moment we laid eyes on each other again.''

  
''Rich?'' 

  
Richie looks down at him with a hum.

  
''Yeah?''

  
''I don't know what you think but I would really like it if I could move in with you? Could I?'' Eddie looks at him with hopeful eyes.

  
Richie huffs an incredulous laugh and hugs him closer with a slight squeal. ''Eddie I will literally perish if I don't get to spend every waking moment with you. I hate absolutely everything about my day to day life so you better be there to make it better!''

  
Eddie smiles at that, sleep starting to fog his mind. Richie takes notice and kisses him on the head lovingly.

  
''Good night, Chee. Love you so much and thank you.'' He mumbles and Richie smiles up at the ceiling. Finally happy with his life. 

  
''Good night, Eddie my love.''

  
* * *

  
_1 year later..._

  
Eddie wakes up with a sleepy yawn. The sun is bleeding through the cracks of the curtains and warming his exposed feet nicely. It casts a gentle golden light to the room.

  
Richie sneaks a hand around his chest, pulling him even closer than he already is. Eddie smiles to himself sleepily and holds his hand, only to slowly lift it up so he can sneak off the bed. He already knows what's coming in about 3...2..1..

  
''Nooo, don't go!!'' Comes a whiny voice, heavy with sleep. Eddie chuckles before leaning over to press a kiss to the mop of black hair peeking from under the blankets.

  
''I'm gonna go take a shower.'' He smiles and stands back up to walk through the doorway. He can hear Richie's voice call out for him and he rolls his eyes with a grin.

  
''NOOO EDDIEEEE!!!!''

  
''Oh shut it, you big baby!'' Eddie laughs and walks in the bathroom.

  
He gets ready for the day and decides he'll make some breakfast for him and Richie before his shift starts at the coffee shop. He grabs the pancake mix from the cabinet and gets to work.

  
It's not long before a pair of arms wrap around his waist and he feels the weight of his husband on his back.

  
''Morning, sleepyhead.'' Eddie slides the pancake out of the pan and onto the plate before turning around to face Richie. He laughs when Richie pulls him closer by the waist and Eddie squishes his cheeks together.

  
''M not a'sllepyhead.' The taller man grumbles and Eddie presses a quick kiss on his lips, only to pull away with a disgusted face.

  
''Eughr! Rich go brush your fucking teeth!'' He squeals when Richie leans in for another kiss and shoves his face away with his hand while laughing. ''Ew, Stop! That's fucking- RICHIE-disgusting! AH!'' Eddie runs away from him but Richie just laughs and catches him by the waist again, only this time lifting him up over his shoulder.

  
''HA! Gotcha!'' Richie laughs and Eddie squirms in his arms, smacking his back with his hands.

  
''Richie! Let! Go!'' He yells but it only makes Richie laugh harder. ''I have to finish the panca- AH!'' He screeches when Richie slips his hands which causes Eddie to slide down his back so his face is now facing Richie's ass instead of his back.

  
''Oops.'' The other man snorts and Eddie huffs annoyed before he gets an idea. He slides his hand under Richie's boxers, pulling the fabric aside before biting down on his right cheek.

  
''EDDIE! NO- NO!'' Richie panics, knowing he can't just drop Eddie face first onto the floor but also needing to get him off his asS OMG! Eddie bites it again. He ends up running to the couch and dropping Eddie there.

  
''Oof.'' Eddie lands on the couch with a soft thud and looks up at Richie with a smirk. ''Yea! How you like that, huh?''

  
Richie looks at him like he's crazy before his face turns into the smuggest grin Eddie has ever seen.

  
''Oh no.'' Eddie mutters before Richie jumps him on the couch and starts tickling him. ''RICHIE HAHAH STOOP!! HAHAHA!!''

  
''How you like that, huh!'' Richie mocks in an impression of his voice and Eddie has tears in his eyes from laughing and begging him to stop. ''You little fucking gremlin! The fuck you bite my ass for?!'' He laughs.

  
''Y'YOU HHH-STOP! DESERVED I-IT!!'' Eddie chokes out while kicking his feet and smacking Richie's arms.

  
''Fuck you!'' Richie snorts before surging down for a kiss. Eddie's breathing makes it hard to kiss back so Richie starts kissing down his jaw and neck while Eddie gasps for air.

  
''Rich-''

  
''Mm.'' Richie sucks a mark on Eddie's neck and the boy under him pulls at his hair while whining.

  
''Richie. I have to get to work soon. We should eat.''

  
Richie looks up from his own work and stares at Eddie with sad puppy dog eyes. ''Please don't go?''

  
''Nope. Not doing this again.'' Eddie grabs him by the shoulders and turns them around so he's on top of Richie.

  
''Ow, Eds! You're crushing my trachea!'' Richie whines dramatically.

  
''Do you even _know_ where the trachea is, Rich?'' Eddie smiles down at him from where he's currently straddling Richie's stomach with his hands on his chest.

  
''Yes?'' Richie smiles and Eddie shakes his head.

  
''Idiot.'' He laughs before taking Richie's left hand and kissing his fingers, lips touching the cool silver band on his ring finger that matches his own.

  
''Maybe. But I'm your idiot.'' Richie grins before sitting up so Eddie's still in his lap.

  
''A shame really.'' Eddie smirks before leaning in for a kiss. Richie reciprocates eagerly and places his hands on Eddie's ass while Eddie has his hands in his hair. They pull apart after a moment with hooded eyelids and satisfied smiles.

  
''Call in sick.'' Richie tells him and Eddie rolls his eyes. ''Pleeaseee?''

  
''No. I already did that last week.''

  
''Hmmpfh.''

  
To be honest there was nothing Eddie wanted to do more but he knew he couldn't call in sick everyday no matter how much his heart desired it. He always hated leaving Richie and same vice versa. They were both codependent on each other and both have needed therapy to get over the trauma of losing one another.

  
It had been hard at first. Eddie still remembers the first time he had to leave Richie for the day and he had come home to Richie having a panic attack, thinking he left him. Eddie had, had a similar situation when he had woken up one night to find Richie gone from the bed. He had just been in the bathroom and had come back to find a sobbing Eddie.

  
They have both now ended up with major abandonment issues and can't go on without each other for more than one work day. Which made it hard for when Richie was traveling.

  
Richie had quit his job on the first week Eddie had been back and started a job as a comedian. Now he gets gigs all over the states and he always takes Eddie with him. It wasn't the best for Eddie's job but it WAS the best for Eddie. For both of them.

  
It was never going to be the same for them like it used to be. Their bickering has changed and so has their dynamic quite a bit. It's different but in a good way. Of course it has caused some trouble, like any sudden big change usually does but it was a small prize to pay for their happy ever after.

  
They had gotten married in Vegas in a small chapel, just the two of them. They figured they had been apart long enough and there was no point in waiting. Some people might think they were moving too fast but they were happy. 

  
Oh they were so beyond happy.

  
''Eds?'' Richie's voice pulls him out of his thoughts and Eddie hums in response. ''You looked a little lost there.''

  
''Just thinking.'' He looks at the love of his life and marvels at how much he loves this man. There are no words in any language that could describe the amount of love he has for Richie Tozier. It is impossible.

  
_So fuck it, right? You gotta live life to the fullest._

  
''You know what? Never mind. I'll call in sick.'' He smiles when Richie gasps in glee and starts kissing him all over the face again. One of his favorite things to do.

  
It's was Eddie's favorite too.

_And I was catching my breath_

_Floors of a cabin creaking under my step_

_And I couldn't be sure_

_I had a feeling so peculiar_

_This pain wouldn't be for_

_Evermore_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No need to applause I know I know...I am a master what can I say? Maybe even a god...you'll never know.
> 
> Jk but really. Thank you my fellow IT stans and if you're interested in seeing more Reddie I have more on the way and I also have an instagram where I post art by the same name as here (@hellowinniexo). Art is definitely my stronger suit so it's better than my writing...I think? Is it? Don't answer that...spare my fragile ego.
> 
> And yes gay marriage is legal in the 90s in this AU. I'm just so tired of hateful shit so I wanted it to be as normal as any other marriage or relationship (because it is). It's sad it has to be an AU for that though...UGH I hate this world....lol emo tingzzz
> 
> Also, question. I'm making a new short little Reddie fic and I'm not sure which other ships to put. If it was up to me I'd probably do Stanpat, Benverly yada yada yada all that same shit again but if there are any ships you'd like to see gimme a peep and I'll look into it.  
> K, thanks! Bye now!
> 
> Love ya!

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, what have I done


End file.
